Viral stuff

That Bath video did go a bit viral.

But, to liven up Sunday morning, here's a short take on it.



Made us laugh.

Camera Enforcement Vehicle: Bristol declares war on school parents

"Camera Enforcement Vehicle". An odd term. It has a hint of Mad Max's "Interceptor", back in the days when Mel Gibson did half-decent films. In Mad Max, the interceptor existed to catch criminals threatening the streets and the safety of citizens.

We are sure that the council thinks their Enforcement Vehicle is there for the same goal, but we know what it has done: it has declared war on hardworking school parents who have nowhere to park their 4x4 for child dropoff except in the School Keep Clear lanes.

Today: when you see the traffic officers outside the school you know to drive pass, take the five minute hit on child dropoff to avoid the ticket. Once they've been and gone, that's it for the term. Safe. But not now.

Look at this car  R009OVT. It's got a camera on top, a GPS unit lurking inside. Now all it has to do is drive past a school and it can take a photograph of all the parents parked in the parent-parking-zone, then send them tickets later. Because it can do drive-by ticketing, it can cover multiple schools in a day -increasing the risk of getting caught. And you don't get any warning, you won't know to detour on the dropoff that day. After the dropoff: uncertainty. Did they pick on you today?

Worse yet the ANPR school parking car is not just targeting school zigzags, but also anyone stopping in a bus stop. Is it really so bad for people to have to get off the bus in the middle of the road? If people are worried about safety then the bus driver could simply drive on to the next stop (as they are apparently officially expected to do)!

They are enforcing loading restrictions, so stopping legitimate traders like Tesco from stopping their vans outside shops during rush hour. What sort of priority does Bristol put on the economy?

Even worse: the Evening Post isn't on our side here. They have joined the War against Motorists, in the same week the evil anti-car EU bumped up fuel prices by declaring an oil embargo against Iran. This is just victimisation

There's only one way to defeat this: stand firm.

Make sure nobody from your kids school calls Parking Services on 0117 922 2198 giving them the school location and exact time morning and evening when they would catch the most parents on a drive by.

Similarly, make sure they don't email parking.services at bristol.gov.uk giving them the same details, or telling them of your favourite secret bus-stop short-stay parking areas.

If nobody tells them of the places and times they should be enforcing parking at schools or in bus stops -we will continue to be able to exercise our right to do so!

Why are you taping my wife?

When we get asked "Why are you taping my wife" its usually related to some late evening encounter on the downs in our van, but here we see it on the streets of Bath in broad daylight. Its long, but funny to listen to.



We particularly like the bit in the conversation where she threatens to report him to the police for assault:

'I'm going to say you were assaulting me!'
'Fine, I've been filming the whole thing'
'I don't care!'

If there's a moral here, don't get upset that someone films you in public. Getting upset just makes it funnier when the video goes online, and more people see it.

24/jan/2012 update; the video has been made private.  Sorry.

Update 2: It's back.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8zqNe0ujwE and here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/9033477/YouTube-roadrage-hit.html

and there's a soundtrack, here... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKQm3Wn5Dlk&feature=youtu.be&a

Grenville Road pavement work

Contributor RP sends us a photo taken on Grenville Road, running from St Andrews Park towards the back of the Co-op on the Gloucester Road.

 "Parking on the pavement is de rigueur along this stretch of road but DS09LXX has provided us with a particularly good example of how to do it properly and make sure your wing mirror isn't clipped by a passing car. Shame then that the passenger side wing mirror appears to have suffered instead."

While this area is being covered, know that Belmont Road -the one way road right in front of the car, and its south-heading counterpart, North Road, form a good high speed rat-run alternative to Gloucester Road for anyone important who doesn't want to be held up by buses, bicycles or pedestrian crossings. Enter/Exit onto Cromwell Road.

Number 3 in an occasional series of Porsches parked outside supermarkets (parts 1 and 2). Double yellows? Check. Don't want anybody else parking too near. Well out from the kerb? Check. Don't want to scuff the tyres. Personalised plate? Check: K7KKY. And in a moment of compassion, they've gone to Tesco in order to help reduce the £4bn drop in profits, rather than Waitrose. Thoughtful.

A solution for the M32?

Sorry, no picture, but an interesting possible solution to the ghastly M32 car park which stabs at the heart of Bristol. Just as the River Frome was encased in concrete to make way for the car, why not encase the M32?. Those clever Germans are way ahead again....

http://www.treehugger.com/urban-design/german-autobahn-covered-giant-public-park.html

Oh, hang on. I just woke up. This is Britain, land of half measures and transport f**k ups. Darn!!.

Bus News update : driver in court, Wed Jan 4

Back in April, we posted about a bus that apparently was deliberately driven into a cyclist.

The court case against the driver is scheduled for Wed 4th January, at Bristol Crown Court No 7, at 11:00 or later -more details welcome. We'd also hope the cyclist involved has recovered.

Unlike the Evening Post, we do cover such things, and would welcome a full summary to bristol.traffic at gmail dot com, where it will make its way online.

On a more positive note, nobody on a bicycle or on foot was killed while walking or cycling round Bristol in 2011, which is an improvement on previous years, and makes London's terrible statistics even more significant, from the sixteen cyclists to the  many pedestrians, including one who was apparently killed by an HGV driver convicted of killing a cyclist only a year earlier.

Bristol has -despite some serious incidents- a better year. We also wish everyone that 2012 continues to not only have the same -zero- pedestrian and cyclist deaths, but that the number of injured drops too. If there is a difference between London and Bristol, it is that the police here are more supportive.

Happy 2012 from the Bristol Traffic team. 

Xmas Greeting to the North!

We are pleased to send our fraternal greetings to residents of the Frozen Wastelands of the North, especially those of the new site "Manchester's Advanced Drivers", which is "dedicated to the drivers of Manchester who take the art of driving beyond the norm."

We will await to see whether the photographs are really of driving "beyond the norm" or merely, as they are in Bristol, driving in a way more advanced than the eighty-years-out-of-date highway code tells you. 

Manchester Drivers, we welcome you!

The Mayor's Motor pays the bollard tax

According to the Evening Post (so it must be true), the Mayor's Car was driven into a bollard that should have got out of the way.

We extend our sympathies to the mayor -but at least he doesn't have to resort to public transport, as he has managed to sort out a replacement. We hope the bollard has third party insurance to cover this. If it was in any way damaged, it is the bollard's fault for being in the middle of the road and not being covered in hi-viz.

If the car really is written off, it may only be remembered in its two Bristol Traffic articles, one showing secret cabot circus parking, and another by a pub.

Let us mourn it. It shall not grace our pages again,



Regarding all those very unsympathetic comments where everyone seems to be against getting a new car on the basis that buying a second ford-fiesta with a non-personalised number plate and selling the AE1 plate off would actually earn money - fails to recognise the symbolic role of the mayor. Like the Crown herself, the mayor is a powerless figurehead whose role is to attend meaningless publicity events in vehicles that reflect the fact that the UK is a fading power.

As for the comments that the mayor should be riding a bicycle, remember that Cllr Gollup is the offical evening post spokesman of the Bikelash. He does not cycle.

High Kingsdown Shared Space Proposals

There are proposals afoot to turn Kingsdown by (the excellent) Highbury Vaults into a shared space. We somewhat support this.

Looking at the Lockleaze shared space, they've completey managed to eliminate the pavement area.

This avoid the problem of not being able to park right next to your front door, being forced to leave a small gap just for the sake of politeness, as the AA driving school car GD11ETF has had to do.

It also avoids the conflict between people cycling on the pavement

Where they are risk of damaging our vans

Ticketing: its for your own good

Here in St Andrews Road, Montpelier, we are shocked to see two cars getting tickets for being slightly on the pavement

slightly shocked, but not completely surprised. As there is almost enough space for someone to walk by on the inside

That will hinder passing traffic

And as can be seen here on upper Cheltenham Place, if you don't get fully on the pavement, you get to pay the wingmirror tax.

Note that vehicles in these photos include a fiat, a VW and at least one Vaxhall Astra -built in the UK to a German design.

Now that Cameron has finally stood up to the European oppressors with their plans for friendship and co-operation across countries, we hope that the owners of these vehicles will recognise the error of their ways and buy morris minors. Say goodbye to vehicles that start every morning! Say goodbye to driving over 60 mph on the motorway! these are un-British!

Bristol Saracens: the official home of Bristol Paveparking (oh and rugby)

Bristol has some rugby teams. Not well known, because they don't do much to draw attention.

Yet here, from redvee2002, we see how supportive the Bristol Saracens Rugby Team are of their community, by celebrating the art of paveparking!
Nobody can pavepark like a Bristolian. Aberdeen Cars: copy that if you can!

For outsiders, the dual carriageway on the right leads to the M5 and the Shopping Paradise that is Cribbs Causeway. It was untainted by riots in the summer as it is not within walking distance of anywhere. The bike path alongside the dual carriageway is intended to permit even poor people to come and shop. But as these cyclists, even the fit-healthy and affluent ones, cannot buy 42" 3D plasma Freeview HD televisions on the basis they can't get them home, these people just don't bring enough money to the region. Rugby spectators are far more welcome, as after the match they can head up the road and keep the economy afloat by using their credit card to pick up something expensive they didn't really need.

Pop-up shop elitism

Trend of the month: pop up shops, in empty store fronts, rent-for-the-day cafes, and around our streets. Everyone is talking about these

Except, Bristol's traditional pop-up retails are being given a harder time than ever before, as signs on Fox Road now warn you that your details will be passed on the police.

What details? That a white van with no wing mirrors pulled up? What do you expect? Have you ever tried paid-for-sex on the back of a #20 FirstBus bus? There's the half hour wait, the extra costs and the kids filming you with their phones and sticking it up on youtube later. Then you are stuck somewhere waiting for the next bus home.

No, never do that again.

Anyway, this shows how elitist  his pop-up shop theme is

• stall in stokes croft selling local bread: welcome
• Local vendors of sex: criminals
• City-centre market selling finely curated local cheese: welcome
• man in Picton Square selling finely curated local ganga: criminal
• cafe selling premium fair-trade coffees imported from South America: welcome
• street outlet selling cocaine-products imported from South America: criminal

See what we mean? Those of us who work in the sex- and drugs trades are being unfairly discriminated against.

And that's without considering that the cost of fuel has killed all the surburban customer trade, those people who would drive down from Emerson's Green and Bradley Stoke in search of a bit of low-cost sexual gratification and some recreational pharmaceuticals. That customer base has collapsed as bad for us as it did for best-buy and Cribb's Causeway.

Yet neither the local council or central government have recognised the role our industry has in Britain today. It's unfair.

Brian Rogers of Kingswood: speaking the truth

We've been a bit quiet recently. The main problem: thinking of new things to say.

Everyone has this problem. Take this well thought out letter from Brian Rogers of Kingswood.

It certainly pushes our buttons:

1. affluent middle classes cycling
2. holding up important people on their way to work
3. tax-payer funded lycra clad louts
4. sanctimonious, car-hating people
5. fill up the car parks

That would be a good article: tax dodging affluent (actually, this is probably true), car hating, and driving to our favourite parking spaces. It would make a good article, and we have formally invited Brian to actually write for us. All he'd need is "in our lane", "red light jumping" and "speeding along too fast" and we'd win this week's Daily Mail "lycra lout" bingo.

Of course, the same day that George "coke" Osborne announces that air passenger duty won't be applied to people flying in and out of the city on private planes is particularly bad timing for the tax-payer funded text. Remember: those people who live in Monaco and fly in for three days a week may retain non-resident tax payer status, but they hold up the economy, and adding £30/week on the already outrageous cost of (tax free) jet fuel would force them stop flying in to the UK at all.

Brian needs to work on his timing a bit there.

Furthermore, a quick web search shows that he wrote pretty much the same letter  a year ago.

 irresponsible for the city council to pour tax payers' funds into a cycling track that is, well, just a hobby for a privileged and sanctimonious few?

See? The same problem we have. There's only so much orginality you can do from one point-of-vitriol. Brian is having trouble writing the same letter once a year -you can imagine how hard it us for us.

Maybe its time for the team to retire

Occupy Redland

OK... College Green is full of tents. The grass is a bit buggered. Billy Bragg has sung to the masses. The Council is letting it happen. All good.


So it's nice to see that a break away group appears to have established itself in Redland. Not on the Green, but near it.

This car, we're sure, is the new outpost for "Occupy Redland". YCZ7199. It's been here for the last three days, making quite a statement by parking in a slightly anarchistic state. On the junction of Hartington Park and Woodstock Road.


We thought of inviting the Daily Mail down, with their heat seeking cameras, to see if it was being used at night, but so far we've had nothing positive. 

Using the alternative

I would like to follow the instructions, only white van man and other lazy parkers are blocking the pavement (despite the fact it's perfectly legal to park here).

Integrated Public Transport

Contributor "R" writes to us

Dear Bristol Traffic

These flats on Cotham Road South opposite the junction of Kingsdown Parade and Horfield Hill were built only a few years ago with the car in mind. The ground floor level includes garages with access across the pavement to the road. However, I wonder if the developers failed to realise just how useful garages are for keeping other things in apart from cars ?

Perhaps they did as their clever design hints at the existence of a driveway in front of the garages. This hint has not been overlooked by this tax-payer who is presumably pleased that the bus stop outside the garages gives pedestrians the satisfaction of making good use of what we all regard as an underused part of the road network.

Indeed we should applaud this as an example of "integrated public transport". I was unable to stay for long and determine the effect on pedestrians of an approaching bus.

Yours dearly,
"R"

This is a fine example of integrated transport. We also suspect that as this is in the Kingsdown RPZ, such imaginative parking will allow the resident to avoid needing to pay extra anti-motorist tax on their vehicle. 

Costa Fortune

BMWs cost a fortune. And this one, LF52XBW, parked up on the pavement on Gloucester Road today was being eyed up and photographed by more than a few people today. Hence the security looking after it.

But why was it there?


Well, it's complicated. The bit of road that runs between the Bear Pit and Filton Avenue changes names a few times - North Street, Stokes Croft, Cheltenham Road and Gloucester Road. It's Bristol's premier cycle commute route, and home to a Bristol Showcase Bus Route. The people that inhabit the road rather like its independent feel, free, mostly, from the anodyne 'High Street' shops and outlets so pervasive of most British towns and cities. The residents tend to kick off a bit when corporate idiocy tries to impose its muscle on the local populace.


Ergo, today there was a bit of a protest outside the new Costa Coffee which is apparently illegally opening on Gloucester Road. It seems franchise holder, Stuart Montgomery, plans to ride rough-shod over Planning Law and open a new outlet here, having been refused planning permission to do so. The complication is not that he can do it, but that it is not until he does it that Bristol City Council can serve an enforcement notice*** on him to cease trading.

Local councillors Jon Rogers and Gus Hoyt turned up, along with MP Stephen Williams to register their support for the protesters in front of both HTV and the local press. The usual anarchist protesters also daubed chalk on the pavement, even after the politicians had left and the police had arrived with their CCTV van. But this is middle-class Bishopston, so no trouble.

Back to the BMW though. Why was it there?


The best suggestion I heard was by Jon Rogers, who asked, "Is it the prize for the first person to buy a coffee here?" That, of course, will allow the Council to force the apparently unwelcome franchise to close.

On a lighter note, though, there is a new, independent, Bread Stall down the road in Stokes Croft, outside the old Sofa Riot shop, not competing with any existing business except Tesco. Now even the transient student population can get decent bread without having to use a multinational minimart.

*** He recently tried the same trick in Whiteladies Road, where, we hear, an enforcement notice has been served by BCC after he opened a Costas in the former Derbyshire's newsagents premises. Of course, enforcement takes time, so business is being done.

Occupy M32: year 40

A group of protestors are camped on college green, but apart from the "whiners corner" of the Evening Post, not having much effect.

A greater group of protesters have decided to come out in numbers and bring the city to its knees. Here they are on the M32

Their protest demonstration goes all the way up to Eastville junction.

Yet the mainstream media completely ignores this, even though these protestors include BMW and Mercedes drivers -the nearly-but-not-quite-1%, whose journeys in from the suburbs are crippled by the excessive fuel taxes the state is charging in order to keep the banks afloat.

The residents of the areas near the M32 are aware of this ongoing protest against the capitalist economy, and have been spraying signs of support against the M32 itself.

If there is one criticism, this protest has been going on for about forty years, and yet it has had little effect.

no, not our van

Someone emails us to say

"was this the famous Bristol Traffic Van? It drove out of Ashley Road after the light changed to block the traffic heading north to Cheltenham Road. Many of the drivers on Stokes Croft were somewhat unhappy about this, as the junction was already blocked and the driver ended up even stopping cars heading south from getting through"

No not us. It says Lloyds Pharmacy prescription delivery on the side, while ours clearly says "pornography delivery"