Brislington Traffic! Welcome!

Quick pointer to the wonderfully named Briztraffic, who have recently started providing coverage of the Brislington area of the city. For our readers out of town, most time in the area is spent by non-residents in the A4 in traffic jams at this point. There's a nice part to the north, by the Avon, which has pleasant paths along the river. Paths which, if turned into new roads to Bath, could reduce A4 congestion. But no, the war on motorist continues and these paths are wasted on families walking their dogs or cycling happily around.

We have added a link to the site in our quick links list.

To follow up their coverage of the Kingsdown RPZ issue, apparently the yellow lines over driveways were something residents could opt out from. On Victoria Walk leading to Fremantle Square, there are some that have clearly done this. Even so, during RPZ hours, they'll need a permit to park there. We are busy sorting out one for the one white van in the team that doesn't have a disabled "park everywhere" permit. Apparently the council doesn't actually check with the DVLA that the vehicle is registered at an address in the RPZ; you just need to provide a gas or electricity bill that shows the vehicle owner lives there. As producing fake utility bills is easier and cheaper than telling the DVLA that you've moved, this should be fairly straightforward. We shall be reselling our "Workers' Chernobyl and Belarus Gas and Electricity Collective" bill template for others to re-use, once we know it works.

One other interesting feature is any new "low vehicle use" buildings/conversions in the area won't be eligible for more than one permit, which means the builders who say "green housing" to get to use more space for housing rather than parking really will get to mean housing with only one car per household.

RPZ day is coming: Highbury Villas

Jan 3, 2011. RPZ-day minus one. Despite a majority of people outside the new KN RPZ zone being against it, kingsdown and the university quarter are going residents only plus guests tomorrow. We can see the changes, and compare it with previous coverage.

Look at Highbury Villas.

Before: a convenient place for art students to park to stroll into their early afternoon lectures.

Now: double yellow lines, even on the corners, and the bits without yellow are (mostly) for residents only.

Some bits are pay to park, and that's interesting as it adds much more short-stay parking behind the university than the proposed cycle parking area was going to take away. For that subset of students who have money to spend and only want to stay a maximum of two hours, this actually is beneficial. For those who have enough money for a car and fuel but not parking fees, the subset of students who were willing to get to this road before 8am weekdays, a secret parking area for them and commuters has been lost.

People ask what we in Bristol Traffic think about it, are we with the keepparkingfree people?

To be honest, no. Double yellow lines provide extra short stay parking for our vans, and there will be more legal spaces for those with disabled stickers, which, oddly enough, all our vans have. For us, removing the space occupied by commuters increases the semi-legal options for us, while reducing the number of people who will park across corners -people who never think about needs of us transit van owners when they park so insensitively. Then they get upset when we scrape them during the turns. This new zone will provide more parking options for us delivering special products to customers in the area, or nipping in to the newsagents for some more beer and cigarettes (there's a special loading zone there). We feel vaguely sorry for the commuters who will have to park a bit further away to walk in, and if there is an increase in pedestrians in our way, then we will have reason to complain.

2011: For Auld Lang Syne

A new year has arrived; time to sing the songs and remember those who won't be able to celebrate it. The classic is Burn's poem, which people sing without knowing the words or the meanings.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my jo,

for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp !
and surely I’ll be mine !
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

Chris Hutt's death is was sad for all of us, here we see him talking to the recumbent riders at the CTC stall in the car-free Corn Street day on Sept 2009. That should have been a warning sign there and then.

At his funeral, he was pulled by family and friends, while others cycled behind him.

We've covered this already [1, 2, 3] -it was a fitting memorial to the man.

However, it's been quieter since then. Less stroppy emails. Less troublemakers upsetting the establishment. Something needs to be done.

Which is why we suspect that Chris would have been delighted by the new Cycling Embassy of Great Britain, created to bring mainstream european cycling infrastructure to the country. Accordingly, we in the Bristol Traffic Project have contacted the embassy to denounce them, and given them our hotline contact details so if they need to be denounced again, or have their invalid assumptions corrected, we can do it more rapidly and directly.

But Chris was not the only death this year, and one of the saddening things in our server logs is people searching for details abou t the sixteen-year-old Junaid Nazir's death on Fishponds Road; searching for answers. There's no answers we can give them, which saddens us all.

Crap Cycling in Waltham Forest, our London correspondents, celebrated the new year with a posting that includes the Sid Vicious version of My Way -lovely! We're going to mourn the past year with a video tribute to Junaid Nazir. Bleak, but his family and friends will never forget him, neither should the rest of the city.

For auld lang syne, my jo,

for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

Quality Streets

Now that Christmas is over, and most of the left-overs eaten, only the least appealing of the Quality Streets are left in the packet here at Bristol Traffic (we've got some Celebrations, but we're hanging on the them for the New Year).

It was the thought of Quality Streets which reminded us of our favourite Bristol example, Gloucester Road. This was the first 'Showcase Bus Route' in the city, and has apparently been a great success - to such an extent that one of the bus-stops near the Prom Club is no longer in service.

Here's a view of this Quality Street, just up from the Prom Club. Note the quality.

We like:

- The Tree. Street trees are good, reflecting proper civic pride.
- The Signage. Important information for motorists is essential.
- The Litter Bin. Vital, with facilities for smokers, too, which is very inclusive.
- The Wheelie Bin. Vital if traders along the road are to survive.
- The Telephone Box. Not everyone has an iPhone, after all.
- The Street Light. Keeps us safe at night.
- The Street Paint. Good for helping us spot the traffic lights, which we also like.

Unfortunately, all this quality is let down by the useless cycle stands, installed as part of the cycling city fiasco. Surely that space could have been used for a decent advertisement display board?

A similar 'Quality Street' scheme is currently proposed for Whiteladies Road. We look forward to it.

Distorted Reality

We've been emailed a peculiar image. We're unsure whether it reflects the state of the photographer's mind at the time, or is just an attempt at being arty.

We note, however, that the yellow car is parked at an angel in the 'Disabled' parking bay in Caledonia Place, Clifton.

On closer inspection, though, it becomes clear why Fiat R368MMW needs to park at such a jaunty angle. Some selfish soul has obviously put a traffic cone in the bay to prevent parking here. We suspect this would be someone with one of those really useful blue badges that allows us to park on double yellow lines (we've got a pack of them here at Bristol Traffic  -  if you'd like one just ring the Bristol Traffic Help Desk - most major credit cards accepted).

Luckily for the Fiat, this is Clifton where the standard rules of behaviour do not apply, especially when it comes to parking. So it's possible to park here without a blue badge with impunity. He who dares, wins.

Bristol Engineering Projects - Merry Christmas

This is the season of Christmas cheer, so spare a thought for Bristol City Council's "Bristol Engineering Projects Team". This secretive bunch are the people who put the traffic lights in our roads and re-design our junctions.  We do wonder if occasionally, for a little bit of fun, they are behind all those particularly dangerous and annoying cycle lanes, installed as part of Bristol's failed attempt to become a 'Cycling City'. It’s sad to say but in these straightened times they seem to be running out of road “improvements” to carry out.


How nice, then, to see to see them busily working in Redland Green (a park) and discover that they are now finding new places to practice their art.  We love the fence that they are building across the park to make life difficult for cyclists, especially as there is a real chance that the fence might eventually injure or even permanently incapacitate a few of these freeloaders.  The fence on the Green really represents a great achievement because it has been constructed in such a way that it will make it hard for baby cyclists to learn their despicable habits. Quite literally, it cuts them short in their tracks.  Hopefully, they will all learn to drive instead with Second2none.  That is, if they haven’t been too badly injured by crashing into the fence, or crushing their driving fingers in the finger trapping gates (the gates are particularly impressive and may even prevent a few mothers and buggies from even making it to the playground).

The Bristol Engineering Projects Team appear to have cleverly managed to do the whole thing without even telling Bristol Parks. Let’s hope they can do it again and again so at last we will get some of these scruffy areas fenced in and preferably paved over.


Bristol Traffic applauds councillor Sylvia Townsend for her spirited defence of the fence at a recent Neighbourhood Partnership meeting, especially as she was entirely alone. We don’t attend such things but our spies tell us that the miserable local community objected to the fence one and all and have written hundreds of letters and emails against these forward-looking proposals.  Can you image that some of them even had the audacity to ask what the fence was for?  How mean spirited and narrow minded of them.  Clearly these residents are deluded in thinking that Redland Green is meant to be an open area of park for people to enjoy when we know it represents a great opportunity for highways thinking.

At the other end of the Green some road construction is already happening and a forest of railings going up to catch unwary cyclists and even a few small children.  We’ve been disappointed to see railings and bollards disappearing from roads because the nanny state panders to the whims of busybodies who pretend to care about the serious injuries to pedestrians and cyclists.  Well, we at Bristol Traffic are made of sterner stuff and we salute you councillor Townsend.


Pushed out of the highways maybe, but we are happy to report that highways engineering is alive and well in our parks.  


We feel that parks offer many opportunities. The area inside the fence must have already been earmarked as a car park which will at last make some proper use of this redundant space and who knows, there may even be a traffic light or too. Modest maybe, and we realise that this is a far cry from the major road schemes of the past, but there are so many things to be done in parks that we can be sure that the Bristol Engineering Projects Team won’t now run out of work.


Merry Christmas!

RAC visiting the White Bear

We like coverage of pubs, today, the White Bea, which:

1. is in the student quarter
2. has free wifi
3. has a big white bear statue in front of it and one painted further up the wall.
4. has an RAC van up on the pavement in front of it next to the "no parking" signs

What's interesting about the RAC van VN07KYA is it is parked over new double yellow lines, as this area becomes residents parking in three weeks time. This will make driving to the White Bear trickier, except that as you can park free for 15 minutes in the zone, if the bar staff are nippy you've got time to park, grab a couple of pints, then carry on.

Family Cycling vs S Gloucs

Shocking footage of an entire family's collection of bicycles, up in the North Fringe, at a secret (as in "official secret protected by the official secrets act") location.

What's surprising is that they managed to get there, despite the efforts of S Gloucs council, who strategically positioned a lorry over the bike path to stop anyone who wasn't bold enough to cycle along a dual carriageway from getting to the bike racks.

Come on S. gloucs, please try harder!

Push back the darkness

Today, December 21 is the solstice, when the night is longest, the day the coldest.

This year we are reminded, as it is as cold and grim as places north, like Birmingham and Leeds.

The Christians have been saying we, the British, have forgotten the reason for their festival.

We, the Bristolians, say they have forgotten the real reason for the midwinter festivities. It is to push back winter, to give us our day back.

Many of us remember this, but not enough, not this year. That is why it is so dark, so bleak.

But do not fear! Together we can bring back the sun. All it takes is for every reader to spill a drop of blood on the last relics of the Elder Gods in our houses, the so-called christmas trees, and together we can regain spring. Do it for the sake of the city!

As we in B.T. have to do more advanced sacrifices, we shall be a bit distracted over the next few days. Expect intermittent coverage. And if the days get longer, thank us.

Feedback and the implications for SITA S788NNK

Our coverage of one truck driver giving the pedestrians the abuse they deserve has proved very poplar. We know this as Youtube sent us an email saying "your video might be eligible for the YouTube Partnership Programme, which allows you to make money from playbacks of your video.", which implies more than eight people saw it.

We also got many comments on the video, some of which were sadly negative towards us. luckyeightball said

the only crime here is decent hard working blokes trying to earn a honest living, get pin pointed by some p**ck who walks around filming people, i bet he takes the videos home and masterbates in his garden shed to the thought of knowing he's caused someone grievance, probably lives with his mum too, gimp

Bristol Traffic is a team project, everyone in the city participates. Those of us who work in the Bristol sex industry supply chain don't need to sneak off to the garden shed as we have discounted "access" to the professionals who provide their services down in Stokes Croft. As we are regulars we even get rebates when things don't work as expected. Plus the wifi doesn't get to the shed.

Humpski2817 said

If I was this driver I would go to you tube and quote their Privacy Complaint Guidelines as I am quite sure you do not have permission to use his image and as the say in the account policies "let us know if videos or comments on the site violate your privacy or sense of safety."

We've discussed this before. You have to give up some expectations of privacy on the streets. Public Place = public. Private place = private. It's an interesting issue though, with Google Streetview being the cutting edge. To launch that service in Germany, they've had to remove the houses and gardens from the view, which means that street views have entire houses missing, so limiting their value. We are glad therefore for your awareness of these issues, though feel you have some more learning on this topic before your statements come off as well-informed. But it's a start.

The most insightful comment came from SuperJonah2010

"i personely believe as a hgv driver that bristol is a hard town to be in.and that the actions of the guy with the cammera are intimidating and the driver would of seen him as a threat!as he said he chased him down the road in his own posting!i would of thought about my load and is that guy pulling a knife or a gun out of his rucksack!it happend to be a camera!my actions would have been the same if not alot worse!what planet is the idiot who posted this video on!"

That really explains some of the issues HGV drivers have in the city. Our taxi driver acquaintances fear late night customers to the edges of the city, bus drivers are scared to stop on Crow Lane (update: plans to sell of the greenery may make it safer). What we hadn't realised up until now was that HGV drivers are scared of pedestrians.

Up until now we viewed them as a hazard. Admittedly, mostly to cyclists, but such incidents close off busy roads for hours, even to vans, - and parked cars. And, because they have better negotiating power in narrow roads, we aren't that fond of HGVs . But we hadn't realised that they were scared of pedestrians! That changes the whole view of things. They must be terrified of doing any of the "shared space" roads like Cotham Hill or Picton Street. Anyone walking down the middle of the road may suddenly get out a firearm or knife and hijack your load! This continuous fear of pedestrians must make the entire city a stressful place to do deliveries -far better to stay in Avonmouth where you don't see people walking around, and if you do, you can call the police and report them.

This fear of highway robbery must also trigger the use of classic military tactics, the key ones being: keep moving and take the high ground.

We can see an example of this at the bottom of Cotham Brow, looking towards the Arches. Our white van is stuck at the lights. We aren't worried about anyone stealing our load as we'll just report to the police that someone else has stolen a "Edmond and Cheggers Inflatable Doll Party Pack" and they'll drive up the A38 following the laughter on the pedestrians until they find the culprits. The Nisa Today lorry was facing the same direction when it swung left into Kingsley Road and got into that debate with the pedestrian about whether they should have indicated before the turn. The answer from a game theory perspective is of course: no, don't signal your intent -it makes it harder for them to plan their attack.

Today we are held up by some lights, cars coming from Cromwell Road are heading up from the Arches to Cotham Brow. This is a narrow road with parking spaces on either side of the road almost deliberately laid out to create conflict -conflict the parking review will leave in. For example, those cars on the left? Short stay parking, with only 40cm of pavement alongside there's no room to get wheels on the pavement, so it creates a choke point -a bit of traffic calming. And a place where a malicious pedestrian could attack a lorry driver and make off with their payload.

The small cars, like the council car, don't have a problem, they pootle up the road. But what of the SITA van S788NNK? The choke point here exposes them to attack -anyone could pop out from the side road hold a knife, a gun, a rolled up newspaper (we've all seen that Bourne Identity film -we know newspapers are weapons), and take their valuable payload of ready-for-recycling cardboard.

How will the SITA drivers handle it? With Military precision.


They seize the enemy territory by going straight onto the pavement. Notice how they do it. No halfhearted "protect the wheels" actions, but a full "take the high ground" operation to get along the pavement and then drop down once they get past the narrowness.

By keeping the forward momentum, the oppo team is left on the defensive, and without the pavement they can't hang back and hope to jump up into the cab as it goes past.

Together, this ensures that the SITA cardboard will reach its destination securely.

This whole notion that lorry and HGV drivers fear pedestrians is going change some of our thinking. In fact it's profound. It explains a lot of city design -like the pedestrian underpasses of the Bearpit, St Paul's and Lawrence Hill roundabouts. They must have gone in not just to keep motor traffic speeds up, but to reduce the risk of pedestrians attacking trucks. It also explains why money needs to be invested in making pedestrians and cyclists feel unwelcome in those parts of the city popular with HGVs -because the drivers don't want them there.

The implications of this discovery are still trickling through our brains, so expect more coverage of the topic in the new year. Until then, all those pedestrians whom we now suspect read this blog -remember, the HGV driver is more scared of you!

Harbour Frozen

The view by the Nova Scotia pub this week shows the harbour has a hint of Auld Scotia in it.

The ice is not quite thick enough to walk or drive on. Which makes us realise that it is time to get out the old plans to tarmac over the entire harbour, now we have a still-expanding one to the west. There will be room for a fast route for Portishead commuters to get into town, and the spare spaces could be used for parking. We could have a bus to take people the final half mile, call the parking Park and Ride and then even the vegetarian eco-hippies would have nothing to complain about.

A local driving school discusses the highway code

Our coverage of the anti-car streets of Horfield generated some comments from 2nd2none driving school, who seemed to misinterpret our photos of one of their instructors cars parked on the pavement as some form of criticism. Nothing could be further from the truth! We are merely jealous that the instructor who lives in the area has some empty pavement outside their house that they can call their own. In the inner city we can spend twenty minutes driving round looking for some space on a buildout or zebra crossing, yet in the suburbs, there is a bit of pavement every household can call their own. The only time we've ever said anything mildly critical of this driving school was when we caught them parking legally in Montpelier, because that's failing to teach people the local skills. Robbies driving school never gets caught doing that.

First, they say:

by this comment you dont actually drive and are simply a busy body with nothing better to do than ride around complaining about trivial things like this.

Bristol Traffic is a community project that exists to document, not take sides. You appear to have taken our coverage as some form of criticism, for which we must apologise.

Anyway, the driving school made some valid points, the first one being:

we teach our pupils to park correctly but anyone can clearly see that these roads are far to small to do that.
...
at times parking on the pavement is unavoidable as to keep the road clear for other users.

Exactly. There is the theory "don't park on places you aren't allowed to", and practice "park where you need to" -and its the difference between the two which we find fascinating, and why driving school and L-plated cars get extra coverage that normal cars don't usually merit. We aren't criticising, merely observing and documenting.

Now, -and this is where it gets interesting- some people replies to the driving school's comments, not agreeing with them, but instead pointing out the bit of the highway code that discusses parking on pavements! This is shocking! Even more so when at more than one of the people replying claimed to be a contributor to the site! We shall have to pay more attention to who we let submit photographs and videos, as some of them clearly hold different opinions from our own -and the rest of the tax paying motorists in the city who subsidise their pedestrian lifestyle. See that? Pedestrian. It's come to mean "slow". There's a hint there.

Fortunately, the driving school replied and made a key point that wins the argument:

as for the highway code, this is a rule book that was written in 1931 with approximately 2 million cars on the road and the motor car being a non essential commodity, not the 27 million cars that now exist on this small island. There simply isnt enough road space for driving or parking and Bristol has one of the worst managed road systems of any city's.

This is precisely what we think, which is why we exist to document how utterly out of touch the highway code is, such as its complete lack of exemptions for anyone like us doing deliveries in town.

Look at this white van, WP57WGW, parked over a zebra crossing at the bottom of Cotham Hill December 8 2010! Zebra crossings and belisha beacons are a 1930s idea -time to move on!

Look at N&C deliveries truck N6MOV, who know that unloading pallets takes priority over solid white "do not cross lines" and double yellow lines alongside them on the Cotham Hill on December 8. Yellow lines? Obsolete! Time to move on!

Again -what a coincidence- here on Cotham Brow, December 8, Falafel King's delivery van WR58GWG is parked up on the pavement on double yellow lines. Yes, the old highway code says you must not do this, but if you need to get falafels into van, what else can you do? Double yellow lines? Pavements wide enough for pedestrians? Obsolete! Time to move on!

We close, however, with this video of the streets in Horfield round where the 2nd2none car was spotted, giving viewers from outside the city a harsh introduction to this area's problems. The roads aren't wide enough for cars to park two abreast, and the alternative -park on one side walking a bit- would involve walking a bit. As for double parking -forget it! These aren't the wide streets of Clifton.

The 2nd2none driving school must feel so proud as they drive round these streets, seeing what may be many former happy customers, not only having got past the test, but parking in the streets the way people in our city really need to do -even in the parts of town where there are still spaces on the other side of the road.

And of course, if you want to get new customers for your motor vehicles, there is the tilleys tactic, namely co-opting the bike path, footpath or pavement to sell your wares. Every pedestrian whose route is obstructed by a driving school vehicle will realise that driving not only gets them round town better, it lets them park conveniently afterwards, and so will be more tempted to spend the money to learn to drive.

Safe Protesting during the winter months

Given the fact that the students and the schoolkids are now out protesting -often after dark- we need to think how to deal with more pedestrians on the road.

Here we see some of the students outside the Senate House, Tyndall's Avenue, which they have occupied part of.

Not one of them is wearing a hi-viz top!

Across the road, there is a minor police presence: one horse.

The police know how dangerous the city streets are -which is why both they and the horse are wearing hi-viz, though we are saddened to see that the rider isn't wearing a helmet.Do they not realise how dangerous horse-riding is? It is from the fort at the end of the path that Prince Rupert of the Rhine surrendered Bristol to the Parlimentarians -the people- and then rode off to wales for safety.

Fortunately, we are aware of such safety issues, and in conjuction with the local councils and the Evening Post, we are pleased to announce a new Christmas Gift: discounted high viz tops. These are available at discount rates, and different sizes. Imagine how your children's eyes will light up when they get their first hi-viz top! As for the students, well, if they are to get in the way of cars driven by important people, they need all the hi-viz they can afford!

Sense at last

Common sense seems almost to have returned to Bristol City Council following their unsuccessful attempt to turn Bristol into a 'Cycling City'.

Whilst we object to not being able to park the Bentley in Boyce's Avenue during the day, we note with glee that a proposed new 'Pedestrian Zone' will also exclude cyclists, who will not be able to nip under the arch and so get into victoria square safely. With the moving of a taxi rank to a currently wasted double yellowed lined area on Clifton Down road for the installation of new loading bays and disabled parking, even cyclists not trying to use the short-cut will find their life less pleasant, which cheers us up.

We'll have our roving reporters out there, 10 - 6 every day, ticketing any cyclists that dare to disobey. 

Unless, of course, they object in sufficient numbers by 17th December to 

david.sarson@bristol.gov.uk

citing "Proposed pedestrianisation scheme, Boyces Avenue, Clifton" as the subject.

Luckily we know that very few cyclists read this blog, and we know that they're unlikely to ever find the Consultation Document on the web as they're probably to busy making lentil sandwiches for Christmas.

Nisa Today's drivers shows their awareness of pedestrians

While in London the cyclist campaigners mourn the fact that HGV drivers are often oblivious to cyclists, in Bristol the large delivery vehicles are aware of more vulnerable road users, and rather than use their indicators to warn of impending actions, use hand signals and voice calls to ensure that everyone is aware of the issue.

Here we see FJ59DFF making their intent clear to pedestrians crossing the road, using hand and voice, and by engaging in a dialogue, understanding that their manoeuvres will be carried out, such as the turn from Cotham Brow into Kingsley Road, and from Kingsley road to Zetland Road, where we see the driver adding some voice and eye contact, to make sure that they have been seen.

You could indicate before your truck turns, but then you may not be sure that the pedestrians planning to cross have actually seen it. Hand signals and shouting are more effective.

Note that Nisa Today's are a community set of shops who work together for better pricing; their deliveries are all handled by DHL -hence the little DHL logo on the side of the van. The driver is paid by DHL, so their impact on Nisa Today's branding by appearing in such videos is of little direct consequence.

Wouldn't hang around the student quarter in a car like that

Dru Marland emails us to say she spotted this important car parked outside Clifton Down shopping centre at Whteladies Gate on Friday, less than 24 hours after an uncontrolled mob of students attacked a Royal Family RR in London.

Given this car is parked in the no parking area directly adjacent to the bus shelter where we recently saw tens of students waiting for a bus, that's a pretty risky place for 6CWB to park while nipping into the supermarket. This is why we like our van better -it blends in with the rest of the city, including the Out of Hand van parked over the zig-zags by the pedestrian crossing to the left of the camera.

Interestingly, that RR's registration number, is open to offers. Perhaps the economy isn't recovering quite as well as were are told, not if important people are willing to sell their car's registration plates.

Tiley of Bristol embrace Cycle City Hartcliffe Way

Hartcliffe Way, the southern bit of the A4174 ring road. Now, with the cycle city program, with a bike path along it.

How will the people use it? Well, we don't care about pedestrians or cyclists, because, well, they aren't real people.

What we are pleased to see is Tiley Motors of Hartcliffe Way recognising that anyone walking or cycling is deficient, but there is an obvious solution: get a car.

Tiley's have parked their budget vehicles on the bike/foot path, so attracting the attention of the underpeople, while clearly making the point that for just £795 the poor unfortunates could get themselves a motor and join the grown-ups.

Now, when the cycle city money turned out to only be 4X that spent on a single slip road to the Cribbs Causeway shopping mall, yet these new paths offer shopping opportunities, then even we cannot denounce this cycling city initiative any more. Tiley of Bristol! We salute you!

Student Coverage

Someone sent us some photos of horses -and you know our feelings about them- blocking Park Street while some pedestrians argue with them. We aren't going to put them up as the process of anonymising the pictures is too tricky to do reliably, however it is depressing to see people on foot and horse slowing our van journeys round the city. Apparently over in London they even got in the way of some important people, which we feel is unfair reporting by the BBC. For us, the white van drivers of the city, every journey is critical to keeping this vast city alive, whereas some jolly to the theatre by some royal family members is just that: entertainment. Furthermore, we aren't sure that the royal family pay road tax, and you know our thoughts there: no road tax, no road rights.
 

It's interesting to hear the audience, especially the "off with their heads" chants. Presumably those are history students who do understand the traditional rituals of regicide in Europe, as practiced in Britain and more recently across the waters in France and elsewhere.

We don't do bias -we report the real issues of the city. Here we see a row of students waiting by a bus stop, all with their orange supermarket shopping bags. We don't care that they are government funded, because looking at the long term return on investment/tax revenue opportunties, they have more chance of paying their way than, say, old people with free bus passes and prescriptions. However, the students walk, they take buses, they get in our way.

We are grateful for the new governments plans to reduce the free cash future students will have, so reducing the likelihood of them shopping in supermarkets, or getting buses home afterwards.

If there is one thing we have complaints about, however, it is the policing, especially the horses and the helicopter. That helicopter is noisy! We understand now why over in Co. Armargh they used to shoot at them. It was to get some sleep. 

Aberdeen Good, Bristol Stupid

Here's a photo one of our roving reporters took.

Of Aberdeen.

Notice how carefully, and sensibly this city has been planned, unlike Bristol.

There's a railway for poor people to use, a proper road for real people to use, and a pavement for the bins. Luckily, there are no cyclists in sight (unlike Bristol).

Proper job.

Unfortunately, Bristol is full of idiots.

Luckily, the gene pool cleans itself, or so we're told.

Fraternal Greetings to our Aberdeen Franchise

The BBC has some excellent coverage of the anti-car experience in Scotland, where some people are being forced to use the (minimal) underground system round Glasgow, rather than drive. This saddens us.

We are pleased, therefore to announce our own contribution to helping Scotland's transport issues, by opening up the Aberdeen Franchise of our community service. We consider this the Big Society in action.

Apparently in Aberdeen, oil is so central to the local economy as car imports are to Avonmouth, so anyone not driving is rightfully viewed as some kind of social subversive threatening the entire existence of the city. In Bristol, this truth is not reported outside of the Evening Post, and its readership figures are so bleak we fear for the paper's continued existence.

Aberdeen Cars promises to explore the PaveParking opportunities of the city, as well as how to effectively drive and park in the area. Apparently also pagan era midwinter solstice rituals do take place on nearby standing stones, so in exchange for some of their "black haggis" we shall be sending up some "local food for local people" food from a well known stokes croft takeaway that provides special meat products for those they know well.

Aberdeen! Welcome to the Team!