St Pauls School Run problems.

By way of the Legacy Printed Press, we see this video of a car being forced to push a Ford Ka out onto the road by the school entrance to Cabot Primary School.



The comments on the E.P. Article are pretty polarised.

On the one hand, this is someone exerting their right to get their car out of the garage despite the selfish actions by lazy parents who themselves park on the keep clear zones just to drop the kids off faster. On the other, this is someone potentially endangering children who if not walking to school, are being dropped off by their parents outside it and expected to walk across a road. It's hard to say who is most wronged here.

Warning Note

Lovely note from the bit of Cotham/Kingsdown which may become a Residents Parking Zone. Clearly the motorcyclists who live here have some problem with vehicles blocking access, and have resorted to signage.

This one does not make any direct threats, merely threatens the superstitious.

DO NOT

PARK HERE

The wrath of the ancients will fall upon
your head, your shoelaces will not stay tied.
Rabid squirrels will invade your home.
Food in your refrigerator will mysteriously
spoil. Your vehicle will start making
that expensive knocking sound again and
No-one will talk to you at parties.

Subtle, yet containing enough threats to discourage most people. Except, wait a minute -Bristol doesn't have a rabies problem. A quick search reveals that the original came from abroad.

Corner work in Henleaze

Carrying on our search for the car doing the most ambitious rule breakings in one go, is this one sent in by "PMB", showing how someone solved the problem of getting to the newsagent:

Seen in Northumbria Drive Henleaze last Friday
This driver of WM07 GXJ seems to be attempting some kind of world record for multiple offences -

1. parking across and obstructing the pavement
2. obstructing a bus stop
3. parking on zig zags for a zebra crossing
4. trying his best to block someone's driveway

and probably all to buy a newspaper - pure genius

This parking makes sense. It's raining, and with the car right up against the bus stop, you could nip out the passenger side and get under the bus stop without getting wet, then into the newsagent. This would make the location ideal for a "multi modal transport interchange with shopping facilities". Furthermore, everyone buying a copy of the Evening Post helps support the campaign against bicycles.

Green ink

While cycling along the pavement last week, one of our correspondents almost fell off their bike after riding over this slippery piece of plastic found in the middle of the path. It appears to be a threatening note to a car in Redland, Britain's Greenest Suburb, as the car was blocking another car in a driveway. Which is ironic in so many ways.

The note says "THIS TYPE OF PARKING DOES NOT ALLOW ENOUGH SPACE FOR US TO GET ON AND OFF THE DRIVE. NEXT TIME........!"

All in capital letters, all in green ink. According to wikipedia, letters written in green ink with excessive capitalisation are often the sign of impending insanity, and feared by all letter readers of newspapers. Presumably the recipient of this letter was so scared by the ink, the text and the capital letters that they drove off in a hurry, discarding this note in the middle of the pavement in their terror, never to darken the gates of another driveway again.

For anyone wishing to emulate this letter writer, the font Felt Tip Roman can be used when mass-printing such threatening letters while still retaining the hand-scrawled-by-someone-hearing-voices appearance. It's what we do. When the voices tell us to.