Subversives infiltrate the B.E.P web site

Only last week, did our hero, Bob Bull, self-proclaimed prophet of the Association of British Drivers, spell out the truth about who pays for our roads.

MANY cyclists claim incorrectly that they contribute to road costs. The maths is simple: motorists' contribution more than £40 billion, road expenditure £10 billion per year.
The claim that they are zero rated along with electric cars is naive.
Do they really think the government will give up the £40 billion?
They will probably introduce road pricing which cyclists should pay. With regard to laws many cyclists remove bell and lights and those with them don't use them, it is also the law to stop at red lights but many don't obey that either.
They also ride on the pavement which is also illegal.
Bob Bull

Yet what do we see now, a response by one "Katy Boundary" of Stokes Croft:

THE Post's anti-cyclist letter writer, Bob Bull, again denounces cyclists for not being taxed. I await his denunciation of all class-A VED cars again for taking up a lane despite the fact that they pay no car tax a year.
Does he fume at being stuck behind a Toyota Prius? Does he resent having his right to park taken away by a Fiat 500 occupying a space that would otherwise be free? He should try cycling and learn to be more relaxed.
Every one of us who pays council tax in the city has paid for the roads. Given Mr Bull appears to be a resident of Portishead, it is he who has not paid to use the streets of our city.
Katy Boundary
Stokes Croft

Curiously, we have the original of the letter, which has a slightly different final paragraph:

All roads in Bristol that aren't managed by the Highways Agency are funded by Bristol City Council: every one of us who pays council tax in the city has payed for them. Given the Bob Bull appears to be a resident of Portishead, it is he who has not paid to use the streets of our city. 

Either way, this letter writer is wrong

Readers Wives

Someone, "Nuxx Bar", posts a comment on our "tolerance" post, in which we congratulate the car driver for pulling over to completely block the cycle path when they break down, rather than, say, half blocking it.

Here is the comment in full.

I suppose you're yet another car-hater who lies and "cleverly" claims not to hate cars because you think such dishonesty will advance your cause?

No? Then what exactly was that evil motorist supposed to do once he'd broken down? He had to put his car somewhere, and the cycle lane was the only practical place. So his behaviour was blameless, and it's clear that you're having a go at him primarily because you think he shouldn't have been driving in the first place. So you're a car-hater. Admit it.

Of course, the cycle lane in question is probably exactly like other cycle lanes, i.e. it rarely if ever gets used. This is because cyclists like you refuse to use such facilities on "principle": you have to make a point about being "proper traffic" and "not being shoved out of the way", even if it means putting yourself in unnecessary danger...at least you've got in the way of those evil drivers and reminded them that you're there and you hate them, eh?

This, of course, doesn't stop you and your ilk vociferously demanding the building of such facilities at public expense, even though you don't pay ROAD TAX (which is what it is really, as you well know). But you don't want the facilities so that you can use them, you just want them to take roadspace and cash away from drivers. Not that you hate cars, definitely not.

When will you and your psycholist mates just give it up and admit that there's a war on the motorist and you're a vigorous supporter of that war? Do you really think the pretence that it's all about "safety" is fooling anyone? Do you approve of safety improvements like dualling the A9, or only those purported safety improvements which restrict or punish drivers in some way (even when they haven't been shown to improve safety at all)? Now why oh why could that be? Who do you think is being fooled by the "I don't hate cars / "There's no war on the motorist" lies?

I'll be checking back to see if you've been brave enough to approve this comment and/or make a reasoned reply which (gasp) actually has an honest go at addressing the points made (your ilk are hardly renowned for the latter). You've gone to the trouble of making an anti-motorist blog so you might as well address adverse comments...if you think you can without losing the argument, that is.

Some points

1. Nuxx Bar is clearly confused. We both agree that the government is conducting an illicit war on the motorists -take the current M4 traffic jams for example. They say that they are spending 85 million pounds to add new lanes and "traffic management", but really they are putting in variable speed limits to make driving harder.
2. Nuxx Bar has, as they say, a history. Indeed, a wiki entry. Even more than that, someone has had to go to court to find them & so stop them harassing them.

Because of these two facts, there's no point engaging in any form of irrational debate. Or as any member of the cabinet would say:

No sempre butte plebian converser

We can't be arsed to talk to plebs. 

Given Nuxx Bar's record, their comments will be summarily defeated. This country is not a democracy, after all, it's a monarchy and we have absolute powers.

Reader's letters

we are forwarded a letter from "luke".

From: luke
Date: 10 June 2012 11:18

what the deal with that blog?
is it written by sub-human Jeremy Clarkson wannabee's with sense of humour bypasses and a desire to kill people on bikes? I only read a few entries and came across 3 express wishes that people on bikes were run over. WTF?!!
sad sad fuckers

Luke, your opinions are noted. You may considers us cyclist-hating psychopaths but we try to be consistent with the rest of the local media. As for wannabes, yes it really frustrates us.

Look at this BBC report on cycling in London. Full of defensible data about how to improve cities. And who do they wheel out to explain why Britain's cities are going to stay the way they are? Jeremy C? Not worth his time? Us: we'd love to get the money from appearing plus the fame. No, they pull in Stirling Moss to patronise them.

If the BBC wanted ill-informed opinions by people who don't have a clue -we charge less than stirling moss and tell the hard truth in a far more entertaining way that Stirling M explaining to the cyclists that its time to grow up, put away the toys and buy a grown up car.

We'd have been far more controversial, and made sure that those campaigners and MP would never come on TV again. And afterwards we'd get the thank you call from Boris saying "thanks, now the elections over those troublemakers think I'd actually fulfil my promises. We need to start setting their expectations right".

But they didn't' come to us, so we are sulking. Your letter has shown us that at least one person appreciates us.

Thank you Luke!

Evening Post bingo: the keywords

Last week we introduced Evening Post Bingo.

In a comment, someone called Downfader announced that they had the same idea -presumably from our initial proposal the week before- and had produced some cards.

Well, we appreciate the artwork, but note that Downfader's effort shows both selection bias in the form of the writer, and doesn't scale to working with other newspapers or article types.

Being a data-centric company, along with strategic partners like Google and Facebook, we have designed a system that will scale. The process is straightforward -use the articles on the evening post web site which we have already covered as the source of our content -and have machines to the heavy lifting for us.This will not only aid other regions, but apply just as well to the Ashton Gate and Bristol Mayor discussions.

While the sentence/phrase extraction process is underway, here is the initial output -the entire list of words in the Evening Post cycling article corpus, sorted by frequency. Everything is in lower case, so the 124 instances of "i" really translate to "I", and presumably indicate that an opinion is about to appear.

Cleanup is incomplete, apostrophes aren't being stripped of the ends of works, singular and plurals aren't being merged. Keeping the apostrophes in provides extra information, as it usually implies some kind of wittiness from the writer, like 'sui-cyclists' and 'supervision'. This actually makes us feel sorry for these letter writers, as their humour is clearly limited. Once our automated-evening-post-article-generator is completed they can entertain their friends with their humour, rather than inflict it on the rest of us.

For the reader's enjoyment then, the initial output of the Bristol Traffic mine-the-evening post Bingo card and Letter Generating system:-

the, 420
to, 267
and, 228
a, 222
of, 166
cyclists, 135
in, 127
i, 124
on, 107
is, 89
for, 78
they, 77
that, 75
it, 74
as, 71
are, 68
have, 64
cycling, 61
be, 60
was, 53
with, 53
we, 51
not, 50
who, 49
bristol, 49
but, 48
this, 47
city, 46
by, 46
at, 42
all, 42
road, 40
or, 38
lights, 36
there, 35
people, 34
pedestrians, 34
he, 34
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their, 31
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cycle, 29
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cyclist, 28
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one, 27
more, 27
if, 26
out, 26
should, 26
them, 25
about, 25
-, 24
so, 24
you, 24
me, 23
just, 23
pavement, 23
way, 22
my, 20
said, 20
an, 20
some, 19
time, 19
car, 18
council, 18
motorists, 18
police, 18
said:, 18
get, 18
these, 18
no, 17
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ride, 17
will, 17
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bike, 15
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very, 15
see, 15
illegal, 15
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how, 14
law, 14
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same, 12
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our, 12
it's, 12
mr, 11
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make, 11
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being, 11
his, 11
use, 11
which, 11
even, 10
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cars, 10
any, 10
pay, 10
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am, 10
us, 10
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million, 9
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laws, 7
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everyone, 7
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spent, 7
run, 7
safer, 7
something, 7
she, 7
off, 7
street, 6
campaign, 6
travel, 6
safe, 6
too, 6
target, 6
against, 6
yet, 6
post, 6
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may, 6
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those, 6
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that's, 6
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fine, 6
bristol's, 6
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high, 6
light, 6
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fact, 6
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gloucester, 5
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11, 5
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8, 5
please, 5
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myself, 4
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22, 4
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really, 4
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chairman, 4
idiots, 4
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gear, 4
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well, 4
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i'd, 3
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driving, 3
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quite, 3
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given, 3
15, 3
especially, 3
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wheels, 3
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railway, 3
accountable, 3
foot, 3
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rush, 3
wife, 3
rogue, 3
mps, 3
large, 3
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sustrans, 3
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15am, 3
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7, 3
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bishopston, 3
lane, 3
gloucestershire, 3
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effect, 3
government, 3
proper, 3
home, 3
obey, 3
count, 3
wish, 3
limited, 2
aim, 2
never, 2
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hospital, 2
call, 2
aware, 2
adult, 2
hold, 2
room, 2
err, 2
route, 2
end, 2
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appreciate, 2
green, 2
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better, 2
tourist, 2
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14, 2
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werburgh's, 2
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lycra, 2
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3000, 2
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33000, 2
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biggest, 2
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vast, 1
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amenities/green, 1
wednesday, 1
enforce, 1
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pace, 1
two-wheeler, 1
spokesman, 1
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absolute, 1
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drew, 1
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oxford, 1
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credit, 1
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roy, 1
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father, 1
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blast, 1
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turns, 1
posts, 1
leave, 1
quick, 1
guy, 1
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prevent, 1
regret, 1
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schiffer, 1
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debate, 1
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mostly, 1
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17, 1
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show, 1
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Introducing : Evening Post Bingo!

We are excited to announce -in collaboration with our partners the Bristol Evening Post, a new form of entertainment: Evening Post Bingo!

The basic concept is simple, here is the outline

1. Every few days the Evening Post will print a fictional letter or article pretending to be an ill-informed rant against bicycles. They are clearly spoofs, but some people, motorists and tax-dodgers alike, fall for them and try to argue the details with each other in the comments.
2. This week, for example, we have made one up called "they should pay road tax!". 
3. Evening Post Bingo! players look in the article for the key phrases on their bingo sheets, then the comments
4. If all of them are found -either in the article or comments, enter your own comment, "Bingo!", and the list of phrases you were looking for.
5. Do not attempt to engage in any form of debate in the comments itself, as this is like trying to explain Quantitive Easing to a chimpanzee -or what a Pasty is to a member of the cabinet.
6. In our weekly round-up of the evening post articles, we will credit the first Bingo winner of every article.

Bingo card generation will be fully automated; the code will be open sourced on Github shortly.Participants will be able to generate their own bingo cards at home, and other regions will be able to provide their own keyword lists that don't refer to Gloucester, Stapleton, or Coronation Roads

For now, here are some example cards, each of which can be used by anyone. These have all been machine generated, and are free from any human bias.

mandatory insurance
lycra-lout
abusive
unlit
criminals

against the law
selfish
council conspiracy
pavement cyclist
injure pedestrians

pavement
cause congestion
selfish
persecuted motorists
spoiled by the council

government money wasted
free-loaders
mandatory insurance
tax-dodgers
lawless

20mph
smug
gloucester road
these cyclists
cause congestion

stay in the cycle lane
danger to others
persecuted motorists
time someone stood up to them
some of my best friends are cyclists

We'll be publishing the source and keyword list later -the keyword list is where we'd like some extra contributions.

We are also considering fully automating our Evening Post article writing process. This would be based on that work by our strategic partner, Google, as discussed in The Unreasonable Effectiveness of Data [Norvig 2009]. The idea is that with enough of a collection of evening post, daily mail and other articles on cycling, it will be possible to generate valid sentences based purely on statistical knowledge of past sentences. The bingo cards are merely a first step in this process.

Evening Post; Why not a cycle free day?

In the Evening Post' singlehanded counterattack to the "cities fit for cycling" campaign coming out of London, another "Trusted Source", Roy, the disgruntled motorist!, who again wants bicycles banned from our streets, at least for a day a week.

Roy starts off with,

All too often Bristol boasts how cycle friendly it is. Is this really a good thing? Myself, and many colleagues and friends disagree strongly.

We often whine about them in the pubs too. Don't forget that drink-driving laws discriminate against us on the way home from those same pubs.

Now before I go any further, I must point out that I am a part-time cyclist, and when cycling I aim to stay out of the way of proper road users by sticking to cycle paths and lanes wherever possible

The classic "I used to cycle" opener is right up there with the "some of my best friends are cyclists" phrase, which the EP is normally most happy with. We don't say either as they are not true, and the phrases come over like the head of the UK catholic church saying "some my best friends are gay" before denouncing the right of two men to hold hands in public. We do say "some of our best customers come from the catholic clergy", but that's another topic.

Everyday I experience horrendous behaviour from cyclists. Considering they are vulnerable, they often risk their lives jumping red lights, undertaking at junctions, hopping on and off of pavements at their convenience and generally getting in the way of the legitimate road user. I realise not all cyclists behave like this, just the vast majority, especially the Lycra ones who think they are as wide as cars!

Red lights, Lycra, pavements, in the way. Check.  We are going to write some Evening Post bingo cards for these letters -or perhaps an automated evening post letter generator.

I also appreciate not all us car drivers are saints as the odd couple let us down.

Don't forget us van drivers here!

I lay part of the blame with Bristol City Council for trying too hard to please cyclists and look trendy. All these advanced starting grids at traffic lights is the dumbest idea yet. Encouraging the roads slowest users to blatantly sit right in the way of the cars before the lights change, then get in the way of our desire to get somewhere quick. That is, when the cyclist obeys the lights!!!

Now we are confused. Either the cyclists sit in your way in the ASL or they run the lights. You can't complain about both at the same time. It's like saying "50% tax rate for me is too high" and "HRMC keep trying to make us pay tax"

Another gripe is the fact that despite all the cycle lanes on pavements, cyclists still use our road.

Pavements. In or out?

Coronation Road is a prime example. A few months back I was following a lorry along there, who was struggling to get past a dad and two young boys cycling along the road. The lorry eventually passed, narrowly missing the boys. I tried to tell the father this fact, but was met with typical cyclist arrogance.

Ah, Coronation Road. We've covered that before, especially how the mature trees do not make this a cycle path. Because of those trees, it's hard to to say "They should cycle on the pavement there", especially when you shout out the window. Just sound your horn a bit instead.

It should be law to stick to a cycle lane where provided, to protect the cyclist, and more importantly, improve the car drivers progress.

Exactly. There are more people on cycles than ever before -and have you noticed congestion gets worse? Congestion costs our country twenty billion pounds a year -and it's all the cyclists fault.

I feel there needs to be more legislation to protect the proper road user from the menace cyclist. To start with, cyclists should have insurance. Can you imagine the damage they could do to a cars paintwork if they were to get in the way?

Don't use the "get in the way" phrase, as it's one of those "I may need to run them over" claims that the police get back to later. We prefer "crash into our parked car". Actually, this gives an idea. Why not advocate strict liability -whenever a cyclist hits a car, it's their fault!

Bodywork repair costs a lot these days. I find it harder by the day to avoid cyclists who flout the highway code. They should also be made to pay a small tax, and have a registration plate of some description. This would help to hold them accountable for the accidents they cause. The tax could pay for cycle wardens to fine them every time they break the law.

Registration, license, tax. Three more bingo items ticked off. And a new one; cycle wardens. Nice idea. But how to stop them ticketing cars for things too?

I would also like to add, cyclists are also a menace on the pavement.

Again, inconsistent arguments. Either they are on the road when you are driving or they are on the pavement when you are walking. You have to pick your point of view and argue with it: speeding on-road criminals, slow moving families, pavement cyclists or lycra louts. Pick one, not criticise them for: stopping at ASLs, running red lights, being on the road, not being on the road, wearing lycra, not wearing hi-viz. Right now the letter just comes over as an ill-informed rant, not an attempt to communicate your issues to people outside your two mates in a pub.

I'm sure many readers would agree. Trying to walk near Temple Meads station is a gamble. If you think I am anti-cyclist you would be right.

An anti-cyclist part-time cyclist. Now this does make our brain explode. This we would like to see. Someone cycling on the pavement shouting "get off the pavement" at himself, going onto the road and then shouting "get on the pavement!". Please send videos of Roy to the usual address.

Years of trying to avoid their antics have made me this way. I am all for saving the environment, but please do it in a lawful, polite manner, and stay off the road where possible. Do not undertake where its dangerous, obey road signs and traffic lights and respect the car driver who funds the cycle lanes you fail to use!!! Do all this and we can all be friends!

Roy, the disgruntled motorist!

We're not actually sure that people cycle to save the environment, though it makes a nice outgroup to explain why they cycle and we, the important people, don't. We prefer to say "we are not against unimportant people, but why do they have to hold us up"


Summary: badly argued, not that entertaining. The Evening Post is losing its edge. Must try harder.

Let's have a vote to outlaw them

There's a letter in the BEP today, that warmed our hearts. While the city-folk in London are trying to organise a "save the cyclists" campaign, we in Bristol are doing what everyone really wants -trying to make cycling a crime.

I THOUGHT we were living in a democracy? A place where majority decision rules? So let us consider cyclists. I have yet to hear of a cyclist that rides according to the law. Every single one I see cuts through red lights like a knife through butter. It is almost as if they do this to target pedestrians deliberately, as they then switch straight on to the pavement, and then back and forth to the road.
Let's consider the law? It's illegal to ride without lights. It's illegal to ride without a helmet and high visibility clothes. It's illegal to ride more than 30cm from the kerb. It's illegal to ride the wrong way down one-way streets, to squeeze past standing traffic, pavement ride and run the lights. Rule 169 of the Highway Code also insists that cyclists must give way to motorists as they are faster. £20 billion of damage to business is caused by traffic jams and cyclists are the main cause.
The government has said that it plans to throw a whopping £26 million at these rogues "to make them safer." How about spending some money on the poor down-trodden motorist?
I propose a vote, since we're living in a democracy. I propose we have a referendum on cycling (even if it is just a local one that results in a by-law) and we vote to outlaw bicycles for good. No good can come of them. Why bother to complain about road tax and insurance? They won't pay it even if it gets made into law. Who knows how many pedestrians they have killed and injured over the years? There are more motorists than cyclists, it makes perfect sense to just ban them!
TPR Henry

This is heartwarming. Ignoring the fact that he is completely ignorant of what is the law (distance from kerb, helmets, hi-viz filtering), what is he is saying is what should be the law.

To us, TPR Henry's rant about legality only slightly touches the real issue: bicycles hold up cars. Cyclists are the main cause of traffic jams -that and the lights which are there fo those other tax-dodgers, the pedestrians.

We celebrate TPR Henry for daring to speak the truth. And Evening Post for having the strength to resist the populist campaigns in the Times, even the BBC is starting to join in. Only the BEP is strong enough to resist these criminals!

Brian Rogers of Kingswood: speaking the truth

We've been a bit quiet recently. The main problem: thinking of new things to say.

Everyone has this problem. Take this well thought out letter from Brian Rogers of Kingswood.

It certainly pushes our buttons:

1. affluent middle classes cycling
2. holding up important people on their way to work
3. tax-payer funded lycra clad louts
4. sanctimonious, car-hating people
5. fill up the car parks

That would be a good article: tax dodging affluent (actually, this is probably true), car hating, and driving to our favourite parking spaces. It would make a good article, and we have formally invited Brian to actually write for us. All he'd need is "in our lane", "red light jumping" and "speeding along too fast" and we'd win this week's Daily Mail "lycra lout" bingo.

Of course, the same day that George "coke" Osborne announces that air passenger duty won't be applied to people flying in and out of the city on private planes is particularly bad timing for the tax-payer funded text. Remember: those people who live in Monaco and fly in for three days a week may retain non-resident tax payer status, but they hold up the economy, and adding £30/week on the already outrageous cost of (tax free) jet fuel would force them stop flying in to the UK at all.

Brian needs to work on his timing a bit there.

Furthermore, a quick web search shows that he wrote pretty much the same letter  a year ago.

 irresponsible for the city council to pour tax payers' funds into a cycling track that is, well, just a hobby for a privileged and sanctimonious few?

See? The same problem we have. There's only so much orginality you can do from one point-of-vitriol. Brian is having trouble writing the same letter once a year -you can imagine how hard it us for us.

Maybe its time for the team to retire

Readers Letters

The Bristol Traffic mail room has been flooded recently with an unprecendented amount of letters, postcards and telegrams from readers in response to a recent post, with most correspondance expressing how underwhelmed readers were with the synchronised van display. One reader writes in to say that not only did she find it unimpressive, but she also feels she can do better! "What's so special about parking up the pavement? I do it every day! So does everyone! I don't see why those vans should get to have their photos on your website. How do I get a photo of my skills on your website? I've enclosed a couple in case you can show them. I think they're rather special and as you can see from the windscreen so do the authorities in charge of the awards. Not only have I got all the way up the pavement but I've done it in an area that will gain maximum attention from pushchair users. Hope you can show off my talents too, Shirley Parker RK06 TZG"

Well Shirley, although your skills are obviously impressive enough for an award, we have to say that your display is still not on a par with the vans. One area you are lacking in is stamina. While you managed to hold your position until just before teatime, the vans held strong for almost a whole week without flinching once. We do feel that your attempts deserve recognition though for good effort.We noticed too that you have used the often favoured pavement outside Playspace on Barrow Road in St Philips. We know that if your display was being judged by our panel then points would definitely be deducted for lack of originality. Although it has to be said, displays of pavement parking are become a rarer occurence here after partons of Playspace expressed a dislike of the parking methods, details of which were passed on to the management, who have obviously launched quite an effective awareness campaign to stop people parking in such a manner, as can be seen in the photo below.

A radical difference I'm sure you'll agree. Although driver WN56FTO didn't agree pointing out that unloading her child into a pushchair to get from the car to the building she was greatly inconvenienced by the extremely inconsiderate parking of driver WM06JFX which stopped her being able to get her pushchair and child along the pavement and they had to go around on the road to get past.

We'd like to offer a solution and show an example of the parking configuration the following day.
Although it looks remarkably similar the configuration of cars in the above photo is actually subtly different from the previous day. Whereas the cars were previousley arranged with one at the front and two at the back, they are now the opposite way around. Having WR53 ZVN and WF53YWN arranged next to each other at the back means that R869 DTG at the front has clear access to the entrance without having to risk the road and everyone is happy. Subtle yes, but it's amazing what a difference a small change and a bit of common sense can make.

Of course there is also the option of parking over the road on the other side, and while it will involve crossing the road it's a danger and sacrifice that some people are willing to make, because they're selfless and kind like that. Driver YG58HXX has not only parked over the road but also a few yards down the road meaning they'll have to endure some serious walking to get to their destination too. But that's ok becuase if it means putting other peoples safety and convenience first then they're all for it.

Not only are they going out of their way for others, they are also letting unobservant cyclists know that the dedicated cycle path that passes under Barrow Road helping cyclists avoid having to cross over the Barrow Road / St Philips Causeway crossroads, has well and truly come to an end at this point.So it's not all just about winning, it's also about due consideration for those around you as exemplified by YG58HXX. After all life's not a race. It's not about reaching the finish line the quickest, but enjoying the scenery on the way.

As the famous saying goes, If you don't stop to smell the flowers once in a while, you'll probably spend less time standing on the pavement next to them and statistically be less likley to be in the way of someone who needs to park on it.