Saturday, 29 January 2011

Red Bull? We thought they were on our side!

A reader, "O.M.", tips us off with the breaking news that Red Bull are sponsoring a bike race up Park Street on Saturday night, Jan 29 at 19:00.

This sounds quite fun, we thought we could join in with the van. We swing past the racers, cut in and park on the uphill side of the road to do a delivery gambit, helping to get our main line of business -discreet delivery of sex toys to all parts of the city- a bit of publicity. But it will not be.

From 18:00, Park Street will be closed to traffic! 

This is so wrong. Not just because it denies Saturday night stretch-limos the opportunity to take stag parties up from the centre to whiteladies road, it gives the racers and the audience an unrealistic view of what Park Street is like without motor vehicles. Which then gives the audience an unrealistic view of what the city would be like without motor vehicles. Unrealistic, because all of us, from the parents driving their kids to school, to our white vans, discreetly delivering inflatable people everywhere from stokes croft to southville, keep the city alive. Have you ever tried to get a child to school on foot? Crossing the roads? Have you ever tried to get a matched set of official Sky TV presenter inflatable dolls (with the official presenters voices- its like having them on your own sofa) across the city on the back of a fixed wheel bike? It just doesn't work.

What galls us is, as  "O.M." points out, Red Bull were on our side. Their energy drink not only lets you stay up night drinking vodka until you have to drive home, if you only get three hours sleep a couple of cans of the stuff will wake you up and have you so buzzing that you'll be driving right behind the vehicle in front, flashing your lights, be they cyclist, commuter or even then avon and somerset police. There they are, doing the 20mph or 30 mph speed limit, and there you are, jittering so much you can barely text ahead to the office complaining that a police car doing 30 is holding you back and you'll need another five Jeremy Clarkson models as now he's the last remaining real man left on TV the fact that he looks like a run-over badger doesn't put the punters off.

Red Bull, whose side are you on? You sponsor a formula 1 team, the cars above, yet now you seem to think encouraging cycling will keep your business going. This fills us with resentment and fear

Also, and this is for the cyclists taking part:
We have given you Ninetree Hill. What more do you want?

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