Don Vito Corleone, head of the Bristol Traffic Media Group, wishes to issue a public statement:
"In recent weeks, it has become clear that our strategy of holding back embarrassing content on key politicians in order to achieve our strategic goals has failed. Not just through public disclosure of our tactics, but because the politicians themselves turned out not to be that powerful.
Because of the widespread negative coverage our organisation has received, we must regretfully announce today that Frank Corleone will be leaving the organisation forthwith. His brother, Michael Corleone, will take over as Don Corleone, in charge of corruption, bribery and other operations. Frank Corleone has stated that he will co-operate with the police regarding their investigations, which is why in a few days time he will be blown up in a boat in Lake Tahoe.
We now wish to make it clear to those local media outlets that have been critical of our organisation over the past few days that with the departure of Frank Corleone, we consider anyone who continues to discuss this topic to be disloyal -and as such punitive action will be considered. In particular, such people may end up being part of the foundations of the A4174 bus lane.
In order to clear up accusations of blackmail, we shall be releasing on youtube our video of Barbara Janke being both patronising and hypocritical --and that one showing Stephen Williams MP being unable to start or stop a bicycle.
Thank you for your co-operation.
The Corleone Family -owners of the Bristol Traffic Media Group"