Friday, 22 April 2011

Stokes Croft Riots

Given the news about riots in Cheltenham Road, we are pleased to inform all all readers that despite what happens over the weekend Ritas and Slix will both continue serving Bristol's best takeaway chips to passing motorists, be they minicab drivers or police riot vehicles. The latter will qualify for bulk discount. We also welcome rioters, as the two establishments do consider themselves part of the Stokes Croft community, and not some national invader that do not recognise that garlic mayonnaise is a key part of Bristol's cuisine.

However, the two establishments have requested that all police car customers park in the bike lanes slightly closer to Cheltenham Road, rather than the bike lanes directly in front of the shops, as bricks and the like being thrown at vans does tend to turn away traffic. They can assure the police that parking restrictions will not be enforced (based on historical data), and that anyone cycling up to the (closed) Cheltenham Road is a troublemaker who deserved to be arrested -although only after spending their free cash at Rita's and Slix.

Slix's lawyers will also be in touch with everyone who reviewed their cafe, as they are all libellous apart from the one that praises it so much it is clearly fake.

The Hare on the Hill pub in Kingsdown would also like to point out that you can get a good view from there, along with a wide selection of Bath Ales beers, and as it is out of the "no drinking" exclusion zone, customers are welcome to sit outside and enjoy the "sporting fixtures" of the Easter Weekend -one in which the Royal Wedding Festivities appear to have started a week early.

Trivia: next week will be the 48th anniversary of the Bristol Bus Strike. Since that date nobody except poor people without cars have taken the bus, and FirstBus have done their best to discourage even these people from using the bus, by overcharging for a mediocre service.

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