STUDENTS: This is why you need to get a job and start earning some money.
Not only will it buy you a Porsche and a personalised number plate (P10NNR in this case) but look: the super-privileged get their own parking space outside Waitrose on the Triangle too. Handily, the double yellows stop anybody else parking there.
Update: Custom plate may be P10RNN. Thanks to Paddy for the correction!
We've been getting more traffic recently, some from people who again, fall for the malicious lie that we are some kind of satire. The photographs are all genuine, the commentary pretty much lifted from Bristol Evening Post comments sections as is. Not fiction. The reason we are critical of cyclists is not just because of our affiliation with the Daily Mail group, but because ofcom requires it as part of their balance-in-reporting scheme. Every time someone in the Guardian or Independent pens a short article praising walking or cycling, Bristol Traffic or BBC local news is required to produce an in depth posting or TV/radio broadcast showing the truth.
The other source of recent traffic is people searching for "Bear Pit Bristol" or "Bristol Bearpit", for which of course we are one of the highest ranking results. Why so many visitors? A sudden urge to spend a quiet hour enjoying the peace of this urban idyll between buses? No: the Stokes Croft Street Fest. Our reporter "quercus" descended into the pit itself, for a bit of giant chess while listening to the bands -none of whose music is yet available on ABD-approved driving CDs.
Some people may denounce us for encouraging some kind of people-walking-around event, but they miss the point. Any event which celebrates Stokes Croft brings customers to Ritas and Stix takeaways, so benefiting us all.
But it's more profound that that. These people, by making the bearpit a place to visit, have reintroduced a whole new generation to the original bearpit goals: a roundabout for the whole family to enjoy!
We've been a bit critical in the past of people who talk about attractive pedestrian walkways, underpasses, and roundabouts people to visit, but that's because today's uses of the Bearpit, Lawrence Hill roundabout and other inner city parkland areas haven't lived up to the vision.
Remember the mid 1970s, when the M32 Parkway was open? Dad could drive down from Filton, park the beige Austin Allegro at Castle Park -when it was proper parking, not this green stuff, put his driving cap and gloves in the glove compartment -that's what it was for- and you could go into Broadmead to stare in wonder at the shops. Yet mum and dad would keep you away from the centre of the 'mead, and go back to the shops they saw at the end of the M32. Mum and the kids would go into Allied Carpets to see if any new plush green nylon rugs had come in, dad would go to the sex shop a bit further down to get one of his magazines. And where would the family meet up afterwards? That's right: The bearpit!
We could get together, eat and drink our wimpy takeaways, dad would flick through his purchase in its paper bag, mum look at the carpet brochures. Everyone would gather there, the giant-chess game had a queue of people waiting to play, whole families would have picnics.
What killed it? Progress. The Broadmead planners took Allied Carpets away. The Internet took the sex magazine shop customers away. The chess pieces vanished one by one. The Austin Allegro vanished; the Austin Metro and Morris Ital never gained quite the same cachet. Bristol City Council turned Castle Park into green space, and started charging too much to park in the Galleries car park. Opec and central government made the journey down the M32 costly. This is why the bearpit died: it became too hard, too expensive to pop down from Filton for a quick hour in the bearpit, especially once the important shops were gone. Nothing has brought them back.
This is why we celebrate the Stokes Croft Streetfest, why we got the Allegro out for a special trip back into town!
Most of the cities parks have had their through roads closed; bollards put in to stop us parking on the grass. One bit of greenery stands out: the Downs.
As well as the zoo-specific car park area which comes out in high summer, this is one place where you can still park your motor on the grass, whip out the BBQ and start burning things. It also has the no cycling signs up to reduce the danger to you and your vehicle from wheeled lycra louts.
Despite the signs, some small children do occasionally cycle through here, so it's good to see the police keeping an eye on things
This ensures that no laws have been broken in the area.
Thank you for your email regarding the pedestrian crossing on Broad Quay. I assume you are referring to the crossing by the junction with Baldwin St. Cyclists are allowed to use this route as they are allowed to use all bus only lanes/routes. There are loops cut in the road surface that are designed to pick up cyclists but unfortunately due to the size of bicycles they are quite difficult to pick up. The loops are X shaped. If you position your bike over the centre of the X the loop should detect you and put a demand in for the lights. The lights will still take some time to change as they are linked to the lights on Baldwin St but they should change eventually. I hope this helps please let me know if you require any further information or continue to experience problems.
What this appears to mean is that if a bicycle chooses to get in the middle of the lane, and any following buses decides to stop for the red light, then it may change and the cyclist survive. We encourage cyclists out there to participate this experiment, and they or their next of kin to forward us the details
After the shocking scenes of happy cyclists, we managed to position our camera the next day to catch some cyclists looking unhappy about the hills in the city.
First, this one at the top of Marlborough Hill
Later, this one atop Cotham Vale
And here, at the top of Constitution Hill. The sheer expression of suffering is heartwarming it should be the cover photo for the next council-funded cycle-in-Bristol newsletter.
Finally, someone suffering up Bridge Valley Road.
It is good to see these people in pain, makes up for the space and money they cost the city. Odd that whoever they are, none of them have helmets and hi-viz on, just T-shirts and fixed wheel bicycles, but that just makes them suffer more, which is how we -and clearly they- like it.
Today seems to be "cut up a bicycle day", and that's why reader "S" would like to send a big hello to the white van KA05AFO driven by a blonde haired woman along Cotham Road South at 17:00 today. Our reader says
"It takes a bold person to overtake a bicycle occupying the middle of the lane while doing 20 mph when there is an oncoming car, but you held your ground. You didn't think "I have a left turn shortly and there is no point doing this" - you recognised that the cyclist didn't deserve to be there, and had to be shown their place, regardless of any danger you yourself faced in the process.
As I looked over my shoulder to shout "WTF are you doing!" you had an expression of terror on your face as the car approached, and your diesel van didn't have the power to get round the bicycle. But you stuck to it, you committed to your action, and once you had started you would continue, regardless of how much mayhem or injury it caused. I hope the three seconds you saved from the action or the terror you experienced during it made it seem worthwhile.
Sadly, it won't be enough to make me give up commuting by bicycle, not just yet"
Well, there is the "yet" at the end, we can only hope that the other white van drivers in the city will contribute to making them change their mind. Meanwhile, can we note that this is the first email about a white van driven by a woman. We consider this a form of progress.
"The driver of the black SUV WP07CCE travelling along Barton Hill Road decided to overtake on the blind corner where it meets Barrow Road while I was cycling to join the Railway Path. This was despite the fact that I had taken the lane to round the corner to discourage such a dangerous manoeuvre. It being a blind corner he couldn't see the cars coming around the corner towards us from Barrow Road and swerved back in towards the curb to avoid them, very narrowly missing crushing me. All this so that he could pull up and wait at the red light around the corner.
As his window was open while he queued at the red light I took the opportunity to very calmly and nicely ask him to please not do that again to anyone as he could very easily kill or injure someone. That is all I wished to say and I started to cycle away.
His response was to shout that I "shouldn't be in the middle of the road" and should "keep to the edge". When I explained that I had moved to the centre of the lane to discourage anyone from overtaking on a dangerous blind corner his reply was that I had to keep to the side unless I was going to "pay tax to use the roads" and that was within his rights to pass so close as he pays to use the road. When I replied that I also own and pay duty on a car (as I think that is what he was suggesting) his reaction was to shout "you're not in it today though are you you f***ing pr**k!" and then put his foot down and ran the red light to get away."
Well A, it's not often that we like to admit to agreeing with anything a cyclist says here at Bristol Traffic, but in this case we feel you have a slightly valid point.
While we don't think it right to criticise the motorists driving skills (as he's really just doing his bit to fight the war on motorists) we do feel that his reasoning needs some working on. As motorists we are finding it increasingly difficult to rely on the old dependable catch phrases of "you don't pay road tax" and "you should be at the side of the road" as unfortunately we have to admit that we do now know that roads are now paid for out of general taxation and council and government endorsed Bikeability lessons do encourage cyclists to take lanes to discourage dangerous manoeuvres from drivers around them. In fact we're actually even slightly disappointed that one of our own fellow drivers is still attempting to employ such over used clichés.
We can however suggest that the best option in this scenario would have been to adopt the new methods of simply pointing out that by choosing to cycle on such car packed roads the cyclist is obviously a freak, probably smells and point out the direction of Glastonbury for him so he can join all the other hippies.
It's probably also best to avoid repeat situations on this particular corner too as there is always the danger that if it happens regularly then the authorities might do something silly like adjust the road layouts or speed limits to calm traffic to protect cyclists. A bit unlikely though. Our research does show though that this isn't the first time that something like this has happened on this corner, although the following footage seems to have been filmed while travelling in the opposite direction around the corner and the car Y117GNY manages to get at least slightly in front of the cyclist and isn't confronted by unexpected traffic coming the other way as he overtakes on the blind corner rather than taking the whole corner directly alongside him and performing the emergency "squash the cyclist to the curb" manoeuvre to avoid unexpected oncoming traffic as WP07CCE allegedly did.
Shocking photos reach us of someone parking on the pavement on Cotham Hill to fill up their vehicle with beer from an off license
While normally we'd say such actions are necessary, a bit of beer takes the edge of a long motorway journey- the fact that this person is doing it with a cargo-bike makes the action dubious.
How much beer can you fit into one of these vehicles, -especially when a small child has to be left in the cargo bay to keep an eye on the bicycle while it is parked? At least when you pull up onto this specially widened pavement in a decent 4x4 you can buy a fair amount of alcohol-based beverages, bringing in some revenue to a government with serious cash flow problems, but in one of these things? Not much. Not unless you were going to fill the free cargo area with single malt whisky.
Parking on the Downs for a picnic last week was pretty hard. It wasn't just all the roadside parking spaces were taken up, everywhere off the road where you could get a car was full with a family or two, parked up, cooking up a barbecue. No room for more cars
Except what's this round the corner: Bridge Valley Road. Closed to through motor traffic on account of emergency wall repairs.
We understand the need for this, but resent two things. First, pedestrians and cyclists are allowed up the pavement. Second, the road is fenced off, so preventing the area being used for parking.
If some turnaround zone had been provided at the end, you could have parked cars on both sides of this road, so added room for a few hundred more families on the downs.
They could even have used the footpaths that aren't normally accessible on account of the high speed passing traffic to get up to the park.
This week is what used to be half term, before we had six term school years.
Last week was different, which meant that the chaos that is Clifton Mums Hour reigned, twice a day or more, in the vicinity of Clifton College.
Imagine the scene... a lone cyclist in College Road trying to get to the Downs vs a Clifton Mum in a car. A no-brainer. Cars parked both sides of the road, no space, and at least a 5 second shorter journey by car. If I were a Clifton Mum I certainly wouldn't let a cyclist hold me up. I'd cut right in front of them and slam on my brakes to let another car park. Or, 5 seconds later, I'd pull right in to the kerb and stop at the zebra crossing, blocking the cyclist again. Ha!
Then I'd hack it off up the road before the cyclist catches up - and park up on the yellow zig-zags outside the school to set a good example to my children, which is what the driver of WR57AXW did.
So if you nip down to The Avenue in Clifton at about 15:00 this week, this chaotic scene will not greet you. There will be no cars parked on yellow zig-zags, no cars on the pavements, and nobody daring to park on the double yellow lines. Give it a week or so though, and you too could join in with the fun, like this:
It's important to note that EK59SDX and WR57AXW are very important people, so are allowed to park their cars on the zig-zags, whilst WM09CZA is probably an actual VIP, as shown by the flashing indicators.
Lesser mortals, such as Range Rover LTP321, WU56TZV, MJ55FUV, WR03AUJ, LB55UHH, WR58WSN, MA07HNL, VN02VUL, WJ58YBB, RO51LOD, KN07PID, XHY1 had to park on the double yellow lines and pavements. They were not alone, but our database will explode if we record many more.
Only T59SAE manages allow pedestrians access to the pavement by staying firmly on the double yellows in the road. Kudos.
Our advice: don't have strange haircuts in Clifton during term-time.
The Stepford wives of Clifton really don't like it.
A quick drive to Asda Bedminster, best car park near the city centre.
Only parking for six bikes, not under-cover, unlike the trolley parks. Keeping trolleys dry: important. Keeping bicycles dry: not important.
Even the access system makes it hard for bicycles to get back towards Southville afterwards without forcing them to encounter Coronation Road or North Street.
Yet look! Just round the corner: a 20 mph zone!
One that covers the area. The whole of Bedminster and Southville south of Coronation Road, is now 20 mph. This is so wrong.
Fortunately, Asda's one-way system forces bicycles onto the 30 mph roads, so discouraging anyone from shopping that way. Customers who don't drive can't buy as much, yet still take up resources in the supermarket: space, queue time. They should be discouraged on the grounds of commercial profitability.
Our calendar reminds us we haven't criticised Copenhagen Cycle Chic for a while, so it's time.
Driving to work isn't really that much fun. You are always stuck behind some other vehicle, and while you can make phone calls, the end of the month bill to latvian sex-chat lines can be pretty steep -lucky both the phone and the car is paid for by our employers.
What takes the edge off is seeing everyone not in a car looking more miserable. Pedestrians, traipsing along. If can spray them with a puddle, they look even more miserable. Bus users, standing by the bus stop, looking folorn -always heartwarming. And then the cyclists.
We know they can get across this town faster than driving, we know that it's cheaper. So how to retain the edge over them. Usually the rain does it for us. But what if it's not raining? Easy: make them dress silly, make them look different: an outgroup.
We want them to wear helmets and hi-viz clothing not just so that when someone goes under a lorry we can absolve the lorry driver of all blame "Were they wearing a helmet", as if that makes a difference when a 14T vehicle comes up behind the bike at the lights and sets off, over them. No we want them to look silly. We also want them to look silly when they get off the bike, so everyone laughs at them, so everyone knows they chose a silly form of transport as they waddle round in waterproofs and funny shoes.
This is why this photo of this couple on matching his- and her- single-speed bicycles is so depressing.
This is a sunny day in May. A couple like this, they should be aspiring to go somewhere in a T-reg vauxhaull corsa, a first car, learning to deal with the problems of car maintenance and traffic. Instead what are they doing? Enjoying themselves at the harbour. Looking happy. With each other. With their bicycles.
You see that. Cyclists. Happy. The two words should not go together
If the harbour had been turned into the four lane motorway that commuters from the M5 and portishead really need to get into the town centre, we wouldn't have had scenes like this: there would have been a proper motorway right behind them, feeding into the centre, where they are standing would have been more multistorey car parking -parking without which the tourists won't come to the city.
Yet what does the council do? Encourage them. Only Australia, with its newly increased fine for cycling without a helmet, is cracking down on tax-dodgers trying to cycle round cities in normal clothes. Let's hope this new government learns a lesson from the Aussies and comes down hard on these criminals.
After seeing this scene in the harbour we had to look at Crap Cycling in Waltham Forest for half an hour to feel better. Now there is a town that keeps cyclists and pedestrians in their place!
We know this van. We've seen it more than once before, but never on Redland Road
As we reflect on our new political landscape, it's worth remembering that, promises are one thing, but delivery is another.
Clearly the driver of YA55VDY is destined for a seat in the cabinet. Note the tactics - delivery accomplished, careful positioning, blocking, get-out strategy (front or rear), and all without affecting the very important people that drive up Redland Road. Genius.
We popped down to Muller Road to make sure all was well with the new path, to see how cars and tax dodgers were using it.
What shocked us was how many of the tax dodgers weren't it. First someone careers off from the Farm Pub path at speed
And goes down the road, smirking at us. We don't know whether to praise him for at least having a helmet, or condemn him for the headphones.
Eventually we decided just to ignore the helmet issue and denounce him for being on a bicycle, but at least he isn't holding up traffic.
Unlike the bicycle a few minutes later.
Note also the bicycle heading towards the pub path: no helmet, no hi-viz. And how do these tax dodgers get there? Well, apparently the council is going to tweak the lights so they respond within a few seconds of the buttons being pressed. Currently they take about 30s to react -like all other pedestrian crossings along Muller Road. That 30s wait has a valuable function: it let's people know their place -at the bottom of the food chain.
It also lets us denouce scenes like this:
Rather than wait 30s for a crossing light, a reckless cyclist has veered over the road to get on the path. And without a helmet. These people should not be encouraged!
Kingsdown Parade, nice little parking area for commuters. The residents are trying to make it RPZ, but someone from Clifton has been round pushing Keep-parking-free leaflets through every door encouraging them to resist, to give visitors from Clifton somewhere to park.
One reason: in an RPZ, there will be more yellow lines and tickets, and who wants that? Not us, obviously, yet even before the RPZ decision is final, someone is ticketing cars for being over dropped kerbs.
The car on the right NC54RXO, yes, it's a dropped kerb, but it's not blocking the corner. As for the car on the left, L693CON, well, that's the funny one. Its got two tickets, but if you look at that side of Kingsdown Parade, the entire pavement is only a centimetre high. There is no raised, therefore: no dropped. It seems to us the ticket is on pretty week grounds here, as its only the funny road markings that hint this is a pedestrian area, not the kerb.
Which meant that the first ever Stokes Croft Street Festival went well, if you like that sort of thing. We prefer driving down to Cabot Circus for a bit of shopping, of course.
This was not your ordinary festival, though, as it was done without closing roads. Which allowed us to drive up and down, checking out what the Great Unwashed get up to (and there were many of them, yuk...).
Here we see Turbo Island filled with street drinking revellers, or we would do if the 4x4 in the ASL hadn't stopped in the view.
In fact, ASLs seemed a very popular as a viewing area for the "festivities", as RF55AMO demonstrates.
And here, WR57WZE, checking out the activities taking place in the Canteen in Hamilton House.
In fact, the ASLs proved so popular that they even attracted visitors from abroad, as Polish BMW KTT86LT demonstrates.
It wasn't all about stopping and looking, though. For instance, the driver of car L14OUT parked up on the pavement was there for the sound system near the TO LET shop. Outside "Feed The Children".
Which may be why, just opposite, the food outlets were still open for business, as GY53FGO parked on the double yellow lines in the cycle lane illustrates, whilst the driver nips into Slix for a quick burger and chips whilst ignoring the hand-made BBQ offering from the Canteen.
All in all, though, the festival took place without interfering with the traffic. Which we liked.
Unfortunately, the organisers needed one real intervention which was ad-hoc crowd control to limit pedestrian access to the Bear-Pit.
Here in North Street this was, in true PRSC creative fashion, done using a white van, KV07KJK, which doubled as a delivery vehicle for the Blue Mountain Club. Outrageous!
Anarchists, all of them, apparently.
Based on our observations, we'd recommend our readers to avoid Stokes Croft until they stop having these sorts of festivals (unless Tesco manage to open a store there, of course).
They have stolen our Road! York Road, from the Thali Cafe up to Fairfield Road, the secret locals-and-minicabs-only route from Stokes Croft up to Ashton Vale, is closed with a diversion onto an even narrower road.
What's worse, bicycles are still being allowed through.
As well as doing something to stop bicycles, they should take away the bollards closing Richmond Road off to traffic, which would give us an alternative. Instead the build-outs get abused as a place for small children to play.
With no road, and less parking, Montpelier residents are being forced to park across the city and walk home. How can you recognise them? Wherever they have to park, they do it Monty-style:
You soon recognise it: as far up on the pavement as you can get without damaging that wing-mirror; with the roadside wing-mirror folded in. Shown by Monty refugee X931BFB, forced by the York Road closure to park on Duchess Road, Clifton -over a mile away!
Photographic proof that there is now a Ninetree Cider in existence, as the locals in the area get together to mutually convert their locally grown produce into a form that is more easily consumed.
While a bit of discreet agriculture is fairly common in the city, the fact that this group are doing it so blatantly as to have their own web site is unusual. There is no "Montpelier Homegrown" web site, no "St Paul's Ganja" pages, where other urban farmers can get together to discuss their issues, to refine the harvest.Yet these Kingsdown people -home of the dark tree festivals- will happily celebrate the spring by taking their garden apples and turning them into alcohol.
Apparently St Matthews Church -where the pressing takes place- is on the site of the original Ninetree Field, and there is a milestone in the back garden directing people towards St Pauls, where those other needs can be met.
We hear also of a Stokes Croft Streetfest on Saturday May 22, which means that, along with the Bastard Hills of North Bristol event the following day, the whole area will be somewhere either to avoid or cut loose in this weekend, depending on your mood.
We love Hampton House: a bit of the hospital at the top of the hill, a bastion of Bristolness. A Mock rural architecture with plenty of pavement to park on.
But what's this? A sign?
NOTICE
Hampton House is not
responsible for cars parked on
public highway
thank you
the management
Where is the sign? On the pillar between the staff car and the BT openreach van, to the right of the near-empty car park
You see, it's not just that people need to park on the pavement because they have no choice, or because a BT openreach van wouldn't have been allowed to use one of the parking spaces in the car park.
No, we park on the pavement to show that we are in charge, not those pedestrians who are always whining about something like no safe way to get over the road to the hospital. Let them drive! That's why the driver of FD55KMU parked here: to leave space for patients!
Note at the back of the van a sign, how's my driving, 0800 876 6699. No number to call with parking issues. They aren't relevant.
In fact, ASLs seemed a very popular as a viewing area for the "festivities", as RF55AMO demonstrates.
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