Van in disguise

An important piece of advice to van drivers who wish to demonstrate their rightful place on the road is that it is sometimes necessary to do this incognito if you do not have the time to enjoy a joke and pint with the friendly local constabulary.

If you do not have access to a plain white van (and you call yourself a van driver?), a hired vehicle is the perfect substitute, allowing you to perplex any cyclist who thinks they have the right to safe passage as they'll never be able to tell where you work.



Here in the video we see that the driver of the hired Thrifty van HX53JXR demonstrates the technique with perfection as they pull into the local DPD depot on St Philips Road.

Police Tactics

Good to see the Police are employing people to help discourage cycling in Bristol. Especially trying to discourage those travelling with children onboard their bicycle for the school run (as was the case in this video submitted by S via our East Bristol franchise). The TSD Fleet Support vehicle WX11EWN is a van that is registered as an Avon and Somerset Police Force vehicle and even shows up as part of proud collection of vehicles on Flickr if you Google "TSD Fleet Support Flickr".

Visit the videos Youtube page for full info at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwpkhDdHOpY

Regarding a Grey Van on Romney Ave/Shaldon Road, Lockleaze

Some tax-dodger emails us:

"were you the idiot driver of the grey van who on Wed Feb 1 was swearing at me down at Muller Road because all the way down Romney Ave he hadn't been able to pass me, because I didn't get out of the way of traffic?"

"If you were, can I point out that I was doing 30 mph, so you had no justification to pass me, and as I was following a car doing the same speed about three bike lengths in front, you had nowhere to go anyway."

"I hope you enjoyed the long traffic jam on Muller Road with no bicycle in your way to get upset about"

We have looked at our van and no, it doesn't look grey, more a white with a brown layer on top, "dirty!" written on the back. (that's our brand, incidentally).

We understand the grey van driver. We don't think bicycles should be on the road, so the fact that you were there -and the fact that he couldn't get past- made it very frustrating. If you had cycled slower and stayed to one side he would still have hated you, but a bit less.

That's something the advocates of "vehicular cycling" don't understand. They think if you imagine that you are a car, and position yourself appropriately, you will recognised as a vehicle and made welcome. Not so: you will just become an arrogant cyclist who doesn't know their place -and deserves the abuse they get.

It is your very presence that is the issue, not just your positioning.

Not our van: WU10JCY

Someone points us at this video as says "That you?"

No. Pink shirts and white dungarees don't suit us. Or him. We are just more aware of the fact.

Also: that van still has two wing mirrors. This video may have been made in Bristol, but whoever it is, they live in the suburbs.

update: "The initial pass was on Stockwood Lane and the chat was by the junction of Lacey Road and Stockwood Lane"

North Fringe Route Update

Both cyclists who read this site will be interested to hear that the North Fringe cycle route, linking Abbey Wood with the Farm Pub, will be installed this weekend; the schedule still says "February". Here is the view from the B&Q side.

Sadly, for those cyclists, the council is still looking at selling off the land, so the greenery may not last for long.

Further up the route, the council is preparing for the event by parking vans saying "look out for cyclists" up on the pavement.

By parking directly opposite a road junction, the council van CN06CXR ensures traffic approaching Wordsworth Road will know to look out for bicycles.

Found: one van wing mirror

A wing mirror was spotted in Fairfield Road last week. It's probably gone now as anyone else whose van needs an MOT soon will have picked it up and duct-taped it together enough to get through the "has two wing mirrors" part of the test.

This is why it's always so traumatic when the DVLA hits Montpelier. A lot of people run untaxed vehicles not because the tax and insurance costs have to come after the RAC home recovery breakdown cover in terms of priority, but because the MOT has rules about the number of wing mirrors and the state of bodywork of vehicles, and it is impossible to meet those requirements and keep a car in Montpelier.

The War on Motorists will not be over until the government rolls out specific MOT requirements for different parts of Britain, of Bristol. In Stoke Bishop, for example, you'd fail the test for having an old car, anything less than Group G, and 2 wheel drive would only be permitted on two seater sports toys. In Montpelier, the wingmirror rule would be waived as unrealistic.Taxis would have a special "fail if the indicators and more than one brake light work" clause.

The Elton Road Park-out: Official Opening

We've covered the Elton Road double parking area before, the one that, if not occupied by vehicles, would encourage cyclists to use a contraflow lane down to the Zetland Road/A38 Junction.

What we haven't had until "Slug" emailed us, was evidence that this was really a legitimate place to park, and that you wouldn't get persecuted by the parking police for using it. Today we have that.

Council van WM060GP, parked here at 15:05 on April 22, shows is that it is acceptable for the council in our Cycling City to park here, so anyone else should feel free to as well.

Communication on Richmond Road

Some footage of one of our cyclists shouting at car drivers. Do we car drivers do this? Rarely. A quick beep of the horn, a friendly little note, that's all. Yet here, this tax dodger can be heard repeatedly shouting "Wait" at the vehicle pulling out, despite the fact that that vehicle has paid real money to use the road.

Yes, the vehicle pulled out without indicating or looking, but the fact is that indicators are for indicating intent to other cars. There are none in the area. Therefore they are not needed. We also note that if there had not been a group of tax-dodging pedestrians walking down the middle of the road, the van would not have been held up so long, and this near-miss would never have occurred. Yet again, if there had been a collision, who gets the blame? The bicycle, merely because of its right of way? Or the van that just pulled out without looking. That's right, the van, despite the fact that's the kind of thing that everyone does every day and nobody else on the road has any right to be there.

'Thali Corner' turning difficulties solved

What's this we see in Montpelier? A large unwieldy bike rack in the road, outside the Thali Cafe, with wooden planters full of edible plants! This must be the work of Living Streets, trying to get bikes off the railings and bins off the pavement.... or maybe disgruntled cyclists, trying to get something for nothing again by building a bike rack out of old railway sleepers and pretending it is a garden feature. Actually it is the work of neither...we can reveal that a lone fanatic DRIVER is the brains behind it.

Look closely - there is only two bike racks, hardly enough to deal with the evening influx of two-wheeled non-taxpayers. How would cyclists have transported all the wood anyway? A pedestrian group like Living Streets would have held endless badly attended meetings first, so it can't be them.

Who benefits the most? That's right, the drivers of larger vehicles - like vans and lorries. We can confirm that this is the work of a van driver, not a cyclist. Although some locals are saying they have lost a 'valuable parking space' the fact is this corner used to be a nightmare for lorries and vans as residents would park on the corner, making turning difficult if not impossible.

Also, we find on closer inspection, the bike rack is actually a bike trap... as the rack is so narrow, bike wheels tend to stick out into the road, making an inviting target for passing tax payers.


Van drivers now whizz round the corner without needing to put the phone down, and in the unlikely event of a very large lorry negotiating the corner,the sort that used to get stuck, strong delivery drivers can easily nudge them over a bit due to their clever mountings. It happened today apparently.

Look at the view above, he also has made it easier for bin men, who no longer have to climb the kerb to reach and return the trade bins to the pavement: now they have a home in the gutter (the bins, not the men).
This will speed up emptying and reduce delays to motorists. Perfect. A double early christmas present. We applaud this van driver for his initiative and cunning - making life easier for drivers but ensuring cyclists get the blame from car owning residents.

They didn't have any choice

This fine morning there is a van at the top of nine-tree-hill, as close as you can get to Fremantle Square without attempting to drive through the gap. It is positioned to prevent any bicycles getting through the gap.

The reason? Virgin Media working on one of the houses in remantle Square. The van RA54EVR is parked as close as you can get to this house without turning round, driving onto stokes croft by way of Jamaica Street, wait at four traffic lights and then go up Cotham Brow. That's a big detour, and even once they'd done that, there would be no parking in the square, other than blocking the bike lane from the other side.

Some subversives may argue that the van could have parked a bit further back, but why? Bicycle access is not the van driver's problem. If you can't handle the small problem of a vehicle in the way, you shouldn't be out and about on a bicycle.

Build-outs are for Builders

Readers might be surprised to discover that this site is in favour of build outs. Don't they reduce the amount of parking? they may ask. No, they don't. They just stop the little people from using it.

Build-outs tend to be for the exclusive use of residents, delivery vehicles and people working in the houses. This means that they provide a small amount of resident parking spaces without any of the overhead of creating resident parking areas. No need to sticker up cars, paint over roads, enforce pavement or road parking rules. Just leave the build-outs for vans such as Refresh Painting and Decorating and their van KM53RVY. Problem solved!

(This is on the junction of Hanbury and Pembroke Road, outside the (proposed) Cliftonwood CPZ. With build-outs like these, there is no need to expand the proposed zones.)

I blames the tennis

July 3rd, 18:18. Tennis still on. Tennis lovers in a rush to get home. Which means "bending the rules". The little ones. Like one way streets, and which direction you are allowed down them

First the van YR51XJX sprints down Nugent Hill and, showing the agility that modern ford transit vans have, swings right onto Arley Hill.

Then while taking that photo, this other car R214RVN popped down the nugent hill contraflow, swerved round the bit of pavement put in to stop cars turning right, and carried on down Arley Hill. But they at least waved at the camera.

Given that this junction has been fairly peaceful since the "feature" was added, what could bring two cars to do this within 30s, given there isn't even a traffic jam up Arley Hill? The only possible explanation: tennis lovers in a rush home.

The Pavement is So Hot Right Now!

It's official. What once was a rare and daring manoeuvre, parking up the pavement, has now become an everyday activity and the officially accepted way of parking. To celebrate the dawning of this new era in parking, teams across Bristol are forming to show off the many styles and approaches to this groundbreaking new pastime.

Pictured here on Victoria Avenue we have a stunning display of Synchronised Pavement Parking from the beautifully co-ordinated team of elegant white vans, EU03ONX and 1946BSK. Support for this new craze is widespread, with this particular team being sponsored by Garden Doctor, The choice for the Green Gardener.

There's no prizes been awarded yet, but rumour has it that these two stand a good chance of being eligible for the coveted Yellow Sticker, a highly regarded award that that has been known to cause quite an overwhelming outburst of appreciation from previous recipients. I'm informed that this team have earned themselves extra points by leaving enough width between them for two cars. On a normal two way road this is something that wouldn't really be noticed by the judges, but performing such a daring feat on a one way road places them at the top of their game. I'm told that extra consideration is also given for the narrowness of pavement left for pedestrians and pavement users, because as everyone knows a slower pavement user is a pavement user more likely to have the time to fully appreciate this outstanding display of talent and technique.

Now we know there's those of you out there that say this pavement parking is nothing new, change the record, it's boring, but you're obviously not noticing the subtlety that takes it to a whole new level. You have to keep an open mind about these new trends. You have to keep your finger on the pulse. Don't close yourself off to these new horizons and possibilities. United we could really see events and celebrations like this blossom. This could be the thing that puts Bristol firmly on the map, a bit like Cabot's Circus did back in 2006. Who knows, before long we might even be enjoying events like the Double Yellow Dawdle (top points for the smallest purchases made while parked up) or the Speed Limit Shuffle (witness the magic as teams of illusionists transform areas that you previously thought had 20mph limits into 30mph and even 40mph zones).

Together we can do it. Together we can make Bristol a Parking City!

(photos and text by "AG". Thank you!)

Corner Work in Barton Hill

Ever come across a street that hasn't got any cars parked on it? Spooky isn't it. You always get that feeling that it must be for a reason. You double check just to make sure there are no signs around prohibiting you from parking. There aren't and there are no yellow lines either. The street is nice and wide and not near any schools or emergency facilities. But why is no one parked here?

When faced with this sort of surreal and perplexing situation it's always best to be sure to park up the pavement just in case. After all it might also be disallowed for you to park in the carpark for the flats that you're visiting 10ft further round the corner. And if a traffic warden does visit while you're inside the flats doing your computer work then at least they'll recognise the now widely accepted parking style that unmistakeably says "It's okay, I'm only here for a minute or two". And remember, the further up the pavement you can get, the more seriously the wardens will take your message.

Today's public information announcement has been brought to you by Computerhire South West of Kingswood, Bristol, the colour Silver and the letters and numbers S3CSW

(photo and text by "AG", thank you!)

Gloucester Road Secret Parking

Continuing our guide to secret parking, today is the turn of Gloucester Road. There are lots of convenient places just off it, like the bike lane, the corners and pavements of North Road. But that involves walking.

What we have today is a secret parking place that is closer than any other, because it is not near Gloucester Road, it is Gloucester Road. The wide pavement on the other side of the road from the Bread Store, near the fancy new patisserie "Tarte", is a secret parking area.

The trick is to know that Taurus Recruitment. whose shop you park in front of, has apparently closed down, with a a Shop Lease available sign above it. While it is seemingly unoccupied, there's nothing to stop you just parking in front of it, popping out, then going into the shops that are open.

Access: just drive along the pavement the way this van WN07ERX did.

University Operations Vehicles

Keeping an eye on the various ops teams of the university. Here's WV54MYB picking up bread from Parson's Bakery, nicely obscuring visibility for anyone who dares to cross St Michael's Hill anywhere but the zebra crossing.

And here's the pavement on Tyndall's Avenue, where the security vehicle WU56JPO is resident.

This may be legal; depends on whether this part of the pavement is uni property -the pavement is lowered here. What it does, legal or not, is give the impression that the university approves of pavement parking. Which it clearly does seem to do.

Why the attention to the university? Because of recent changes in their bike parking policy.

Malicious Persection

At the end of Somerset Street, Kingsdown, a van with a police parking ticket. Why? Keep clear signs are just hints. It may be difficult to turn the corner, but you can go round the square if you have an issue with that. Someone is picking on vans.

A short distance away, on Montague Hill, another car has been ticketed. Yes, there is a sign saying that cars parked on the pavement will be ticketed, but it's never been done here before, according to our records. What has happened? Why has the local police started persecuting innocent motorists?

It could be Bristol is now officially anti-car, and it is a conspiracy from the council. But there is another possibility, one to strike fear into every law-abiding motorist who wants to exercise their right to park where they need to. Subversives are infiltrating the Police community groups. Last year: a righteous campaign to fine bicycles on the pavement. This year, at least in Kingsdown, the rules are suspiciously different:

1. Speeding vehicles - Dove Street.
2. Speeding vehicles - Cotham Road/Cotham Brow.
3. Environmental issues:
- Rubbish, various locations
- Dog fouling, especially King Square area.
- Discarded needles, especially King Square area.
4. Contravention of one-way systems:
- Nine Tree Hill.
- Nugent Hill.
- Marlborough Hill.

Crackdowns on vehicle speed and contraflowing. Anti-car priorities. Some drug problems. Nobody complaining about the quality of service in the Stokes Croft Massage Parlours .

Fortunately for loyal Evening Post supporters, Bishopston is still resisting this infiltration and retaining the priorities of the long war:

Agreed 5th February 2009
1. Match Day parking problems around the Memorial Stadium.
2. Inconsiderate cycling, Gloucester Road (A38) / Failing to stop at a red light, at junctions with Ashley Down Road and at junction with Sommerville Road / Pavement cycling / Cycling at night with no lights.

This is better. not just pavement and red-light cycling, but inconsiderate cycling. Presumably that means failing to get out of the way of cars, or refusing to stay in bus lanes, even when there are parked cars in the way.

People round the city need to keep an eye on their local PACT meetings and make sure no anti-car enforcement of petty rules gets encouraged. Push the real problems, like lack of parking, inconsiderate cycling and the lack of value for money we get in the city's massage parlours.

Multimodal Interchange

Whiteladies Road, weekday morning. I am cycling along the pavement and yet am forced to get off and walk

Because the van EA52TSU is in the way.

Technically Correct

We love contributions, follow the instructions. We like funny ones the best. Hence a special mention to Montpelier correspondent KL, who sends in a lovely shot of a Herbert's Bakery van up on the pavement on Richmond Road.

It's actually been here a week, other people have seen it blocking the pavement, but this photo captures the scene best: a delivery van in a disabled slot.

Because it is appropriate. That shed to the right is the local garage. If the van is up by the garage for a week, rather than trying to get to Clifton in snow conditions, that is one seriously disabled vehicle.

Who tows the tow trucks?

Nobody, by the look of things

You have to fix it wherever it breaks down.

Fortunately, the Eastern end of Fairfield Road, Montpelier is wide enough to sustain trucks, camper vans and caravans on both sides of the road, so it is not inconveniencing anyone.

What is scary is that someone was under this vehicle last night doing repairs, at night. Look how safely it is held up: bricks and a couple of bits of metal, and imagine what would happen if a passing vehicle were to accidentally clip it, all of that would come down on top of anyone unlucky to be underneath. Not good. This is why garages have lots of equipment to life up vehicles or pits to get underneath them.