Tuesday 12 October 2010

Breaking News: Abbey Wood goes to the Dark Side

As Bristol's Premier road traffic news outlet, we are saddened to bring some terrible news from the North Fringe, from MoD Abbey Wood. They are going to forbid anyone who lives within three miles of the site from driving in to work, by removing their right to park. They say it is due to excess parking pressure, but if you look at the parking area furthest from the entrance (i.e. the bit close to Lockleaze that requires you to walk afterwards), it's clear this isn't the case.

Therefore this entire plan is purely an anti-motorist conspiracy.

We received this memorandum by the "abbey wood motorists collective", who are trying to stand up for the British way of life, here in a government facility.
MoD staff demand car park action.

Following last year's car park overload fiasco when the nearly 8,000 MoD staff at Abbeywood where forced to park on the access road to nearby Hewlett Packard, the site management team have announced that from January 2011 they plan to tackle the shortage of car park spaces. 

You'd have thought that the MoD plan to do the sensible thing - use their diminishing Defence budget wisely - and build new multi-storey car parks over the entire (currently open site) single storey car park hence doubling the available spaces... But no! 

Apparently the MoD has instead decided to revoke the car passes of those who live within 3 miles of the site! 

This has understandably caused outrage amongst staff. How on earth do the management think people are going to get to work? One member of staff said "Someone dared suggest I could walk to work, I mean WALK, 3 miles. The furthest I've ever walked is 300 yards. It would take me hours". It has been suggested that the idea might encourage staff to think about using other means of getting to work other than their cars. Someone even suggested that there is a perfectly good bus service in the local area, or that they could ride a bike. "What on earth where they thinking, buses are meant for common people. Ride a bike? You must be joking" said one MoD mandarin climbing into his chauffeur driven staff car. 
If it is true, then it means that the MoD has joined the war against the motorist, just as the Department of Transport comes back onto our side.

We await further news.


Tim Beadle said...

I'd put money on house prices just outside the 3 mile zone rising, or at least not falling as far as elsewhere.

Maintain your right to drive! Move outside the exclusion zone!

Rhode Long said...

If the MOD are joining the war on the motorist then it is really bad news as they are considerably better armed! We can only hope the comprehensive spending review keeps the things like aircraft carriers that will not help crack down on useful parking outside school for instance.