Green ink

While cycling along the pavement last week, one of our correspondents almost fell off their bike after riding over this slippery piece of plastic found in the middle of the path. It appears to be a threatening note to a car in Redland, Britain's Greenest Suburb, as the car was blocking another car in a driveway. Which is ironic in so many ways.

The note says "THIS TYPE OF PARKING DOES NOT ALLOW ENOUGH SPACE FOR US TO GET ON AND OFF THE DRIVE. NEXT TIME........!"

All in capital letters, all in green ink. According to wikipedia, letters written in green ink with excessive capitalisation are often the sign of impending insanity, and feared by all letter readers of newspapers. Presumably the recipient of this letter was so scared by the ink, the text and the capital letters that they drove off in a hurry, discarding this note in the middle of the pavement in their terror, never to darken the gates of another driveway again.

For anyone wishing to emulate this letter writer, the font Felt Tip Roman can be used when mass-printing such threatening letters while still retaining the hand-scrawled-by-someone-hearing-voices appearance. It's what we do. When the voices tell us to.